How I feel starting out on my vasana
(Continued from Part 1, yesterday.)
So we’re walking through the processing of my vasana for you to have a guide to tackle yours when they predictably go off in the face of the upcoming revelations.
My first basic procedure is to remain aware of myself, no matter what. Michael calls that “being the observer.”
Stand back; be the observer, he says. I’m so used to remaining aware of myself that I haven’t until now noticed that that’s what I’ve be doing for decades.
Basic premise: Awareness is dissolutive (my word). It isn’t neutral. If you remain aware of a feeling, it lifts. If you resist it, it persists. And it goes back down energized.
Second, let whatever arises play out, while experiencing whatever feelings surface during the course of it.
Third, name the feeling. I know. Many spiritual teachers say don’t name the feeling. There’s a time and a place for both. If you want stillness of mind, don’t name the feeling. If you want to get at the vasana, name the feeling.
Why? Because the mind, which is the source of the vasana, is organized by names, words, headings. What arises as “fear” draws up a different memory file – as anyone can test out – than what arises as “gratitude.”
Fourth, once you name the feeling, ask the mind what is the source of the feeling. The mind will dutifully respond with a picture or a word or something similar.
Very Important: The mind is very quick to respond. You must grab the first picture or word that comes up, not the second or the third.
It’s like a search engine: The results get less relevant the further down the list you go.
Fifth, experience whatever results from seeing what the mind offers you.
Oh, my Gawd, for me, up comes the picture of me in a coffee shop long ago. I have just bought myself a $4500 computer, with all the bells and whistles, and I promptly spilled coffee on it. It was ruined. I nearly went insane from all the vasanas that went off at that time.
I’m re-experiencing the devastation and despair I felt then. I can see right now that there are going to be layers to this vasana. Below this one is anger, just waiting to be recognized. But I’m staying with despair for now.
Sixth, operate on the premise that the truth will set you free from the upset. When you discover the truth of the vasana, it should lift. It may return but now you know to just observe it. And you know the truth of it and can watch it pass all the sooner.
But there’s a second application of this principle.
You may not have discovered the entire truth. But if you’ve discovered some of it, you should experience some release. You can see either increasing release or else increasing density as indications of whether you’re on the right track or not.
As an aside, the thought arises of all the business created by this loss – all the passwords that need changing, reports that must be made, documents that need to be replaced. On top of feeling despondent, I also feel clobbered, overwhelmed. I put that aside for the moment until despair and despondency lift.
Ok, let me draw a line under processing to this point and report on how I feel now.
There has been some release from despair and despondency when I experienced the feelings originating with the earlier coffee spill on my computer.
This issue lifted much quicker than I expected, which I think shows both the increase in energy planetwide and the previous work I’ve done on vasanas.
What I’m aiming for is turning a catastrophe into simply a situation that needs attending to. Taking the sting out of the event.
My guide in doing this is that I know that higher-dimensional states erase vasanas and turn catastrophes into simply situations that just need to be handled.
As another aside, you don’t need to have reasons for the vasana lifting. Simply experiencing the truth of it, rather than resisting it, is all it takes.
And another: Only when I’m free from the vasana can I address the remaining issues in a sane and normal manner. I’d be well advised to postpone addressing them until I’ve processed the vasana(s).
Seventh step, now that I’m in release on despair and despondency, I don’t go back again into that upset. To do so would be to recreate the scenario and the need to go through it again.
I look again and I see both anger and a curious breathlessness. I look first at the breathlessness. I’m not going to repeat the steps but simply say what I see and feel when I go through them quietly.
The breathlessness is fatigue. The pace never subsides and it’ll only get more intense as we go further along. There is so much to read, and so much of it disinformation or misinformation, I just feel overwhelmed.
Having now gotten underneath the shock and dismay at losing my computer, with all its private contents, more pure fatigue is rising to the surface.
I ask the mind where it originates from. I’m back in 1970, doing my Master’s Thesis at the Public Archives and National Library in Ottawa. I’m rushing because I’m going to get married in Vancouver and have a schedule to follow. I’ve been sleeping in the small office they’ve assigned me.
I’m totally exhausted and there’s much road yet to cover. My head is bowed. I rest in the experience.
(Concluded below, in Part 3.)