Who am I? It’s my turn? You want me to tell you….
You’re not asking a non-dualistic question, are you? You want a down-to-earth answer?
Well, to start with, I’m a person who’s looking to meet people who know what real love is.
Many people say they do and turn out not to.
I live for the day when large numbers of people actually do know what true love is, as we all will once the gradual planetary heart opening we’re presently going through is complete.
I’m a person who wants to meet people who accept my speaking to archangels. This blog is a co-creative partnership with an archangel and I’d like to meet people for whom that’s the coolest thing, not a jaw-dropper.
I’m a person who’s driven by his mission, who’ll sacrifice close to anything to carry through on it. I see now that all my life I’ve refused to stop and insisted on carrying on with what I came to know as my soul contract aka what I love doing – writing.
I’m a person who walked away from formal studies, always knowing (1) that there was very much more to be had than what I was seeing and hearing in “higher” institutions.
On my own in the library during my graduate years, I studied history, anthropology, sociology, and psychology. (2) Mostly for my own interest.
Some programs I left because I abandoned the paradigm of empirical materialism, that only what we see, hear, feel, and touch is real. That paradigm was too small to allow a fruitful pursuit of the truth.
Some I left because people seemed simply to be going through the motions to get ahead. I wanted truth from a university, not tenure. I discovered that truth was not in my university’s charter. (3)
When I left an endeavor, it seldom felt like I’d lost – well, it did for a time. More often it felt like I was going for something indefinably more. I knew there was more. There had to be more.
It was helpful that I had little interest in material things, like owning a house or having a great car. (4) I never felt that I was somehow tied to anything, “established” or “rooted.” I could move on when the next assignment beckoned.
I also remember emphasizing, with myself, that my databases and everything else I worked with had to be “portable.” A laptop with everything in it is like heaven for me. It allows me to move around.
The feeling that I needed to keep going was so strong that I never questioned it. I assumed that everyone felt this way. But at long last I began to see that it wasn’t necessarily shared.
I’m a person who’s been given plenty of previews of where we’re headed. I expect that’s because I can be relied on to write about them. Fortunately I studied enlightenment years before the experiences started happening so I had a context into which to fit them. (5)
I’m a person who’s going to be so busy in the years ahead that my work life will have to be my social life. I won’t have time for anything else.
And finally I’m a person who’s after something compelling and unknown that I know I’ll find and I know I’ll know it when I find it.
I have no idea what it is or where, when, or how I’ll find it. I just know I will.
(1) It was the same kind of feeling that the Mother called “divine knowing”:
Steve: Am I correct in continuing to say to myself, “This source is not what they say they are but it doesn’t matter. I’m still serving Archangel Michael.”
Divine Mother: You have reached this place of clarity. Now, dearest heart, this is exactly what I am talking about in terms of your divine knowing. And nothing is swaying you from that balanced center of knowing. (Divine Mother in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Oct. 26, 2018. My emphasis.)
The place of divine knowing did feel solid, stable. It’s a place of rock-solid certainty.
In this, it resembles peace which is like granite. See “Peace is Like … Granite,” August 22, 2019, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2019/08/22/peace-is-like-granite/. On the experience of peace itself, see “The Peace that Passeth Understanding,” July 18, 2017, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/07/18/the-peace-that-passeth-understanding/.
Here is Michael on the solidity of peace:
“Peace is solid.
“There are so many divine qualities that do feel amorphous, light, airy, like a spring day. And yet peace (you have this expression), you can take it to the bank. It feels like ballast. It feels like granite because it is solid. And dare I say immutable. That is why I continue to keep emphasizing that peace within, that rock-solid granite within.” ( “Archangel Michael on AHWAA: Achieving Inner Peace,” )
Archangel Michael: So, when you think of things that you should do, are supposed to do, might do, and it doesn’t ignite that fire of excitement, and that granite of peace, then you are being given an important piece of information, which is ‘look elsewhere.’ Is that clear? (“Transcript ~ Archangel Michael: You Have Chosen to Be the New Paradigm of Love, May 31, 2018,” June 7, 2018 at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/06/07/transcript-archangel-michael-you-have-chosen-to-be-the-new-paradigm-of-love-may-31-2018/.)
Again, like the other divine states, it isn’t at all what we might expect. We’d expect the state to be dreamy and ethereal. No, it’s more like the rock of Gibraltar.
And the experience of it is transformative. It alters us, elevates us, lifts us out of worry and fear.
(2) My thesis adviser once said to me that he thought I read only the introductions to books. He was right. I went from one field to the next in the library and only read the theoretical parts – the introductions.
I just wanted to know what the field was about – linguistics, proxemics, kinesics, folkloristics, – how it operated, etc. I had no interest in the details or applied studies.
How did I get from sociology and anthropology to spirituality and enlightenment? Simple. I looked at the footnotes of the intros I read and very quickly found myself in the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao, and the Dhammapada.
(3) Having just had my 1987 vision, I wanted to study enlightenment for my Ph.D. Thesis but, when I approached the Department of Religious Studies with the proposal, they informed me that they were prevented from studying enlightenment by the university’s charter. That’s where empirical materialism leads.
(4) Except for my collections of things – marbles, soldiers, dinosaurs, model airplanes, later books, quotations, etc.
(5) I remember being at an Adyashanti workshop in which Adya was helping a woman understand that the experience she went through, which totally bamboozled her, was enlightenment. She had no idea what had happened.
I had the advantage of having studied the subject even if I couldn’t somehow get the whole picture. On Feb. 13, 1987, in a vision, I got the whole picture. See “The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment – Ch. 13 – Epilogue,” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2011/08/13/the-purpose-of-life-is-enlightenment-ch-13-epilogue/