I observe myself in a depressed state.
I simply feel flat. There’s nothing objectionable about it necessarily. It’s lower than I like to go however.
I have it rigged up that this is an unpleasant space, an idea that triggers the mind into grumbling and becoming defensive. No thought involved. All automatic, vasana-driven behavior.
When looked at in the cold light of day, the feeling of flatness is pretty close to neutral.
Nothing about it would alert me to what comes after. There’s no logic involved. Merely whatever sense, however partial or distorted, the mind made out of the situation.
Now conscious of this triggering mechanism, I simply sit with the feeling of depression or flatness and let it stay as long as it wishes before letting it go.
Later the same day….
As a result of sitting with my feeling of depression, I’ve ended up in a sudden experience of gentleness. I think that’s the first experience of gentleness that I can remember.
I’ve had transformative (or higher-dimensional) experiences of love, bliss, peace, mastery, and abundance. (1) In the same way that they’re transformative, so was the gentleness I felt: Capable of overriding the situation and enduring, unlike everyday gentleness, which yields before the situation. (2)
The two experiences I had of them stayed around only perhaps for ten seconds each at the most and then went on their way, as if they stuck their head in.
If I was not alert, I might have regarded them as sudden thoughts of a striking nature. But my experience of them at this time went deeper than that.
I was shocked by how gentleness felt and how foreign it was to my experience.
What’s new in your life? Oh, I experienced gentleness today. Say what?
It feels hard to talk about it.
It was an exquisite experience. As exquisite as silk is to cloth or lavender to perfume, gentleness is to whatever sense is experiencing it. I really don’t know how to talk about it, it was so strange to me but welcome to every sense.
The experience of mastery and abundance were equally unfamiliar and delightful.
I don’t even know what faculty of mine sensed the gentleness. I felt it palpably and overwhelmingly. I know that. It captured me for a few moments and then disappeared.
Maybe “captured” is not the right word. I merged with it for a few seconds and felt life through it, so to speak – in the very same way that the spirit feels life through the body. (3)
What made the greatest impression on me was that I felt it in every cell of my body. I received a full measure of the experience of gentleness.
And it was magnificent. A new world opened up for me.
So those are my first two experiences of real, authentic gentleness in this lifetime. Somebody mark that on a calendar for me. I’m not keeping track.
If I didn’t write these experiences down, I’d completely forget about them. But written down and taken together, they can contribute to an ethnography of Ascension. Work for future sociologists and anthropologists.
(1) All recorded on the blog.
(2) Transformative love overrides anger, hatred, jealousy, etc., whereas everyday love can be chased away by the same feelings. It takes only a moment of experiencing the former to immediately see the situation.
(3) In an out-of-body experience in 1977, I felt the spirit (me) re-enter the body and my consciousness transfer from being inside the body to being outside. I had the same sense of being “inside” gentleness, as if my body was made of gentleness and I was the guiding spirit inside.