
Like a kid at Disneyland for the first time. Credit: Wikipedia
I’d like to comment further on what just happened for me.
I sourced not only “a fear,” but “fear itself.” At this moment – and I can only ever speak for this moment – I feel no fear.
There’s no telling how long it will last. However, this being an ascension ethnography, I’m scrambling to make some record of it.
What is life like without fear?
As on so many similar occasions in the past, I haven’t ended up in higher-dimensional love or bliss. I’ve simply ended up feeling … normal.
That’s the first thing I’m aware of. The second thing is the absence of any obstacle to action. Fear was the only thing holding me back. Fear of obliteration coming out of nowhere, like my Dad suddenly shouting at me from zero range.
Paralyzing fear, which existed as a constant restraint on myself. Is that not what fear is? A holding back?
It was always in the background, beyond conscious awareness, invisible to me like air to the bird.
Now that invisibility is gone. I see where it originates. I’ve processed it before so this time is not highly experiential, but more realizational.
I saw how I’ve gone through the same process of personality “shattering” since then and called it “transformational.” Seeing this altered my perspective. It reframed it.
***
I arrive in this new land the way Charlton Heston arrived in the new land at the end of Planet of the Apes. He could see that there was no hope of finding a civilization anywhere. He realized he had to build it from scratch.
I am that “society.” I have to rebuild me from scratch.
My old friend and constant companion, fear, having departed, I’m left with only myself.
It isn’t that I’ve suddenly become possessed of super powers or psychic abilities. Far from it. I’ve been freed from my iron mask and leg chains. But that’s all that happened.
What I do with my newfound freedom is up to me. I’m released from the Bastille, from the concentration camp, but with no idea what happens next.
I have no issue with trusting myself now. It isn’t that I trust myself now or don’t. The issue as an issue has simply disappeared from the radar screen, without leaving a trace. As if it never existed. For however long this experience lasts. Thanks heavens, I’ll have a record of it or I’d never remember it.
The experience of mistrusting myself went dead, like a phone hung up, along with fear. They must have been directly connected.
A lot of issues seemed to have dropped away from me, all of them connected to fear. Fear is apparently the “Godfather,” the head. vampire, around which all else clusters.
Everything directly connected to fear died along with it. It’s all “obsolete” now and known to be such by all versions of myself. In particular, it’s known to be such by the layer of the mind holding onto fear – the fearful side of me that just let go.
I suppose my future with it will be like with dissociation. Ever-growing confidence from pushing my edge. Or not. I have nothing now to fear – except what I now create of my own volition. Otherwise I have no antagonist any more, no enemy.
But I may have to create my own Twelve Step Program to keep myself from falling back into familiar ways. Fear is an old friend, who’s kept me out of trouble for years.
Why not apply the lessons learned? Vasanas have a silver lining, which is the lessons we learn from them, the skills we develop along the way, the wisdom, the insights – which is why lightworkers volunteer to endure these traumas.
Later we get to help others passing through the same process of cleansing or “purification” – by sharing our experiences. I don’t just mean people on Earth but many civilizations elsewhere, passing through the same consciousness shift into the same new space.
I’ve learned to push my edge in transparency around vasanas and that has gradually extended to other subjects. I’ll always have a private life, which I value – as much as circumstances allow. But I’ve chosen the awareness path and it’s all about transparency.
What a novel experience – living without fear. Everything now seems possible.
I now feel like a kid at Disneyland for the first time.
***
A mere fifteen minutes have passed and unable to remember why I feel no fear. What happened that resulted in me feeling no fear? I know my memory problems are the same as many of you out there so you know what I’m taking about.
If I hadn’t written my process down as it happened – as Sue Lie’s Arcturians suggested we do, years ago – I would evolve but have no idea of what the process was by which I evolved. As it is, I have a record.
***
Now an hour later, I just recalled that a day or two ago, I followed St. Germaine’s advice, read while editing the book, went before the karmic board and asked for a dispensation from all my karma – either owed by me or to me. This again now looks to have been related. Another validation of universal law – the Law of Karmic Dispensation.