On the day my Mother died, the buses still ran, as if nothing had happened. Credit: CMC National

I had a huge vasana, core issue, or major upset go off the other day and thought it useful to walk through.

We’re going to have to manage our vasanas after the Reval because what we say and do will have so many potential repercussions.

My vasana slowly arose as a consequence of more social contact for a longer period of time than I could manage.

I felt my need to return to work going up and up and up.

For some reason, the issue for me is like Kryptonite and, if you asked me before the light bulb went on what I was dealing with, I’d simply stop there and say “I’m peopled out.”

I set out to take a day off and just vegetate. But my angst and upset kept mounting.

I had a failed transaction online, which was a simple, straightforward result of my state of mind.

I want to walk through how to source a vasana so let me stop here and say that this was the state of my understanding before realizing I was facing a major vasana.

***

When I realized it, I began to “process” the vasana by first identifying the feeling I was experiencing: Angst, dread, revulsion.

Our vasanas, issues, or upsets are filed away in our memory under feeling: Angst, Love, Jealousy, etc.

I asked my mind to throw me up a thought or image that told me where the upset comes from. How was the twig bent that the tree inclined?

I found myself at my brother’s apartment, May 6, 1968. We had just received the news that my Mother had been killed in a house fire. I was devastated, distraught, grief-stricken.

Not long after getting the news, we began to get calls from people who wanted to come over and help us manage. Others wanted to phone clergymen to come over.

I felt revolted by the thought of having other people over right then. I told everyone that I simply wanted to be alone.

And my brother and I bawled our eyes out for the rest of the day.

Receiving the call from my Mother’s boyfriend that she had died was one of the most excruciating events I’ve had to go through.

As my angst at too much social contact went up and up in the present day, I neared a level that was triggering feelings that I experienced on the day my Mother died. And I was resisting going there.

But I now stopped resisting and sat with the emotions that came up. I allowed them expression until they, in the natural way of all impermanent things, simply melted away and I was a little distance into being clear of them. (I may need to repeat the process.)

***

I would never have known what I needed to do had I not processed the vasana. How would I know that what I needed to do right now was to cry my eyes out?

What tied my present-day upset to the original upset was that people wanted to see me and I didn’t want to see them. Entirely innocently. They were just being “social.”

My upset grew and grew, coming closer and closer to the level of distress I felt when it looked like clergymen and relatives were about to descend on our apartment.

The link between the present-day event and the earlier-similar event it links to may turn out not to be “reasonable” or logical. It usually isn’t predictable. We just have to allow our minds to rerun the film and experience it for the feelings to lift; we don’t actually have to understand it.

When the link is seen, we get the connection. But we probably never could have seen that connection before that.

Notice as well that, just as Jesus said, the truth has set us free. Once we saw the truth of the situation, the upset lifted.

***

The more common way of handling a vasana in our society, as long as it acts Third-Dimensionally, is to feel a feeling like angst, say “You are making me feel anxious,” and blow up at the other person if they don’t “behave.” I call that “projecting the vasana” onto others.

But in reality, the real issue has nothing to do with the people who stand before us. In my case, it’s because I’m coming closer and closer to remembering Mom’s death and re-experiencing the feelings I did then.

Now that I’ve seen the vasana, experienced to completion the resisted, distressful feeling, and know the connections, I no longer feel distressed. I’m not anywhere near as tired as I was. And I no longer feel the need to fend off people.

This whole thing was the result of the slow rise of that vasana. I said it was like Kryptonite. Vasanas feel like that.

The eruption of our issues, our resistance to feeling certain feelings, and our mistaken view that other people make us (mad, sad, unhappy, etc.) ruined relationships in olden times. Sourcing or completing our vasanas is the responsible way of handling our upsets and can save our partners tremendous, avoidable heartache.

After the Reval, our word will carry far more weight and have far more power to wound than it does now. That’s the same situation that faces all leaders. At that point in time, knowing how to complete our upsets responsibly will be of great importance.