Sooner or later, love dies

(Concluded from Part 1, yesterday.)

Observe the conclusions and decisions you reached and remember them.

The experience we went through may have been so awful that we don’t want to go through a similar experience again.

That it was awful is our conclusion. That we don’t want to go through it again is our decision.

These are what have narrowed our vision and channeled our experience.

And these are what lie at the heart of the vasana.

After a while we get triggered by simply believing we’re headed for the rejected experience, that something reminds us of it, that one of the signals went off, that we’re getting closer … and closer….

So we need to know: What was the conclusion we reached? What decision did we make on the basis of our conclusion?

Many people may experience “catharsis” – an intense emotional experience bringing release.  But if the conclusions and decisions that lie at the heart of the vasana appear to their mind, they may dismiss them, thinking their thoughts unimportant; only their feelings are.

But it’s our thought-created box that ends up channeling our beliefs in confining and objectionable ways. Our thoughts determine our reality. The more we follow Ascension events, the more we see the extent to which our thoughts really do that.

Vasanas have to be gone through internally or externally in their original emotional intensity and the truth of the vasana known, for any degree of completion to be achieved. If we insist on speaking in a squeaky voice when inside we’re shouting, the dissonance between the two leaves us split. The truth is not being expressed.

You don’t have to make loud noises by hitting a pillow or screaming. But you can make noise if you need to, in the right surroundings. I used to yell in my car and that enabled me to connect with whatever it was that was driving me, so to speak.

The vasana may go off more times until both the memory of the experience and the truth of its intensity are seen. But each time it should be weaker.

We have to have vasanas fully up to awareness and processed to be in a position to rechoose. Otherwise the chooser is not really present. It’s the vasanas talking, Slim.

***

Vasana eruptions are wonderful energy vortices to bring up the conclusions and decisions that have been lost to our present-day memory, but need to let go of. So vasanas have their usefulness.

I used to say that we couldn’t access the full emotional substance and intensity of a vasana unless and until it erupted, which is another way of saying the eruption of a vasana is an opportunity – for us to “source” or complete it. Responsibly.

Back to our conclusions and decisions. Having decided that we don’t want to go through it again, we began to construct an effective response to signals that say we’re headed for a re-experiencing of the same rejected experience.

Some people get aggressive; some get passive aggressive; some placate. Responses will vary, but all are rooted in vasanas or core issues around wanting to re-experience something that threatened, terrified, or horrified us.

Every time a vasana or core issue goes off, you can bet your boots we’ll feel justified in saying what we said and doing what we did.

I remain self-serving. I get that every time I retell an incident that occurs.

I watch the bias carefully and usually don’t act from it. But it must be the hardest habit in the world to break.

Again, some of us have no idea what a core issue is. “Oh, I have no core issues,” we say in one moment and then erupt the next. Or go sullen, distance ourselves, or become contentious.

This is relationship? How?

***

All of this I call “projecting our vasana onto another.” We think, feel and act from inside the upset. We become the upset.

I become a seven-year-old boy. I’ve been known to stamp my feet in frustration.  You might as well wave your hand in front of my eyes at a time like that and say “Steve, wake up. Wake up, Steve.”

At moments like that, we really do believe that the source of the upset is the person standing in front of us when it isn’t.

Most of us find out later that the upset had nothing to do with them and had everything to do with our relationship with our father, mother, siblings, teachers, etc.

Or to put it another way, the issue may have something to do with the person standing in front of us, but the extremes of emotion we go to which result in our inability to discuss matters calmly and reasonably have, in the final analysis, nothing to do with them.

We’re asking the other person to dysfunctionally relate to us through the lens of the vasana we’re projecting on them.

It’s one thing to live in a confining and suppressive box of our own creating, but why should anyone else have to join us there? Agreeing to close down experience in the ways that vasanas do diminishes our loved ones if they agree; it creates dissonance for them if they disagree.

Projecting our core issue onto another simply results in one more perpetration which weighs on our consciousness (and I know about this) and drives a wedge between us and our loved ones.

Sooner or later, love dies.

I prefer not to be asked to relate to another from inside their core issues or residue. I prefer to wait till we’re both out of it – having processed it – than risk invoking our conditioned behavior.

So taking responsibility for our vasanas – for getting in touch with what they are and then experiencing those awful feelings through to completion – is going to be a survival skill in the months and years ahead. How many people will hear this? How many will learn how to process a vasana as a result?

I’m telling you now because I may not have your attention after the Reval.

“Hey, I don’t need to listen to anyone any more. I can do it on my own.”

None of us, I think, will be able to “do it” on our own. All of us will have to face our fears of collaborating.   I have them. “Will they take my vision and steer the ship in an entirely-different direction?”

Just as the largest losses in a war come to the invaded nation in the first few days and weeks, so our largest losses occur – personally and collaboratively – the first time we have an unrestrained vasana attack and don’t get to the bottom of it. Trust is broken.

That, I think, applies to love relationships and business relationships.  Many of us have just accepted plastering on a smile in business. But son we won’t need to. Then we’ll see who really has cleansed themselves and who remains burdened by their issues.