I have a war going on inside me, a real catfight between the old normal me and the new normal.
There are developments happening behind the scenes which can’t be discussed yet. I do however have permission to discuss their impact on me.
I’ve known about the particular development for a while but actually confronting my role now, the old normal is rebelling.
It’s saying: “You’re not good enough. What are they asking of you? You can’t do that.” And finally, the old inevitable: “Who do you think you are?” Got me on that one.
The new normal is replying: “Bring it on. You bet. Let’s do it.”
The new normal, being transformative, above the line, (1) consciously aware, is resolute. The old normal can find no foothold here. There’s no room in love for artifice, contrivance, pretense.
What this particular battle is about is winning my allegiance and the sticking point is the question of comfort, familiarity, etc.
The old normal is comfortable and familiar. I know my lines. I know the outcome (nothing, failure).
The new normal, as it begins to emerge as the dominant energy in my personality, is unfamiliar and hence uncomfortable. I don’t know my lines. I don’t have my mask on. Which will I choose?
I don’t think I have any lines any more, do I? Not officially, right? The remainder of the play is unscripted? It’s always been unscripted, you say. Free will. Oh. Thank you.
I know that all the image management attached to the old normal is not to be carried forward. So I’m actually free of lines now. But I haven’t gotten used to that realization so my cart can still be up-ended.
It’s fear-raising to drop everything – masks, lines, scripts, rackets, poses, numbers. It’s worse than naked because naked is simply exposed. Dropping everything leaves us defenceless. The old normal says: “This is a dog-eat-dog world.” It drags along our former Third-Dimensional frame of mind into a world of our own imagining.
These numbers I have are how I survived all these years. They’re my toolbox, my weapons, my suit of armor. How will I survive without them?
No, no, don’t get rid of me, You need me, says the old normal.
I have to sit and be with these thoughts and let them pass through me, unperturbed. They too will pass unless I resist them or try to change them.
This time around I don’t do that. I actually rest in transformative love, love that takes in everything, and I dissolve one issue while deciding another.
I dissolve the issue with my acts and numbers and come to love, peace, and appreciation with them. And I decide the issue of future direction in favor of no acts, no image management, and no need anymore for an old normal.
The new normal is just going to get more and more expanded and anchored. It’s the way of the future. I appreciate the work of my old self-image. We had good times. We had bad times. But I’m happy to leave it all behind now and open to the new.
(1) Above the line between unconscious and conscious awareness.