I became the policeman of the world
As editor Mary points out, there are ties that bind, but there are also binds that tie. Our core issues are binds that tie us in knots.
They’re binds in the sense that we find ourselves propelled in directions that once may have been useful but now, much later in life, are no longer so.
We find ourselves in a bind, feeling loyal to these dyed-in-the-wool ways of being, which we sense more and more no longer serve us.
I had a personal reading yesterday with AAM in which a team member asked me to ask if Feb. 10 was an unusual day. She found herself and many people in her locale in crisis on that day.
Archangel Michael responded that it was a “null zone” and many people would have found themselves in crisis as their core issues rose to the surface. I think this rise of core issues is a prelude to the tsunami of love.
All of mine rose to the surface on that day as well and I’m still dealing with what I learned. Let me elaborate.
There are various views on core issues. Some people think we have only one, or that there is one core issue that we agreed to take on for the collective eons ago, or that one core issue underlies all others and is the “head vampire.”
I saw the core issue that I agreed to take on eons ago, and I saw several others as well, one of which has stubbornly resisted processing.
So I guess I fall into the camp that says we can have many core issues. The human mind is ingenious and does not respect limits so why could we not have many?
In working through each of these core issues with the help of a competent friend, I saw both the issue and the flip side.
Linda Dillon has called core issues “motivators” because they send us in certain directions. They also have a “flip side.” That is, we find ourselves in an issue relative to ourselves, but it propels us to develop certain qualities relative to others. The flip side compensates for the issue.
Apparently I took on eons ago the core issue I call “unforgiveable.” I walk around with a residual feeling playing at a low level that I am somehow unforgiveable, and therefore unloveble, etc., etc.
I have no recollection of anything that I’ve done in this lifetime that would give rise to it and I have tried to “source” it for some time now, without success.
The reason I can’t source it, apparently, is that this is an issue I took on in the distant past to handle for the collective.
The flip side is that, apparently, I’ve developed what Buddhists would call a paramit, virtue or quality of generosity. I can’t actually say I’ve developed a paramit of forgiveness.
I was actually known as a person with a long memory rather than a short one in that area, which relates to a core issue I’ll get to below relating to the family.
But nonetheless the development of generosity on the flip side of or out of response to this vague, low-level feeling of guilt and shame that comes with feeling unforgivable is a blessing.
I was able to source or complete the core issue of unforgiveability.
But more and more issues presented themselves in the course of this day in the “null zone” and the day that followed.
You already know about the issue “Nobody listens to me,” which arose from being the runt of the little whom no one paid much attention to. That one yielded to processing.
The angry person who had watched domestic violence and been the victim of it I mentioned yesterday too. That’s the one that caused the long memory. And it’s the one that had me become the policeman of the world. Let me come back to that because that has not yielded to processing and I’ll tell you why.
Another core issue I had identified months ago: “I don’t need anybody.” Out of that one I became a loner. That one I traced all the way back to the womb, where I listened to my Mother and Dad fight and decided I’d rather stay where I was.
And it was amplified by nights in the crib with my arms tied to the side so I wouldn’t scratch my excema, crying while no one came to see to situation. I decided I didn’t need anyone in life.
The flip side was that I’m not a needy person. If a person is busy, I have no problem letting go of a request for contact, etc. I can always accommodate people needing time or space to themselves so I can be a good, non-demanding friend to have around.
Another is “I won’t keep the family secrets (lies).” My family had really bad arguments and then put on a false front that we were one happy family (we were not). I found that so repulsive that I promised myself I would not keep secrets.
The flip side was that I became transparent and refused to lie about how things were. I was able to process that one as well, while still keeping the gains made on the flip side.
(Continued in Part 2.)