Here’s an example.
My iPhone was about to shut down (or whatever iPhones do) if I didn’t delete some photos on it. And so I spent an evening going through old photos.
And I came across a slew of photos of me and an old girlfriend.
I felt love arise strongly and at the same time I also felt pain because we were no longer together.
And then I remembered what Archangel Michael said about how it isn’t either/or; it’s both.
And I said to myself that I could both love her and not be together and have that be alright.
And that shift in how I was holding it freed me up to feel so much more love for her and to have that also be alright.
Then my conditioning kicked in and said, “Steve, you’re living in the past.”
Behind that was the vasana I call “Unlovable.” I don’t deserve love, etc.
I heard myself respond, “Living in love is not living in the past. The love I feel right now is available to everyone, including myself. So I’m not at all living in the past.”
At that moment I loved my friend without inhibition or reserve and began taking that love and sending it out into the world. Everything I was doing was so counter to my conditioning. And so freeing.
This turn of events propelled me into transformative love. It seems like I’ve been away for lightyears.
Perhaps the energies are rising again, as Sanat said they would. Whatever the case, to be basking in transformative love right now remains a miracle.
In past years, if I spent minutes a year in transformative love, I’d have considered myself lucky. I used to say that a few minutes of transformative love in a peak experience made a whole decade of growth work worthwhile.
But now I spend hours in it when it comes along. If anyone had said twenty years ago that this was possible, I wouldn’t have believed it. It makes all of life worthwhile. As long as it lasts. And then, when it goes, I’m desolate again, despite all the warnings from spiritual teachers not to go there.
Some people I talk to about transformative love say, “Oh, yes, I feel it.” But when they say “I love you,” one can hear them holding back.
As far as I know, one cannot experience transformative love and hold back. Transformative love is a flow and we have to allow the flow and be in the flow to experience it. If we’re holding back, the dam cannot burst.
Moreover, I notice that transformative love comes with a sense of completion. And that sense of completion has nothing to do with whether things are actually complete or not. A number of issues exist for me at this moment, but that isn’t what determines whether I’m complete or not.
Being complete is a declared state. In the final analysis, whether I’m complete or not is a matter I determine. I’m complete when I say I’m complete if that declaration results in the experience of completion. If not, then I’m not complete. (I’ll be looking at this further in a future post.)
At some unknown future date, the dam will burst for us all. At that point, getting it and losing it will end. We’ll all have gotten it and it’ll stay. We’ll have a permanent heart opening (1) and that’ll be our entry into the new reality we’re headed for. Jesus called that state “eternal life” – no more need to die again. Hindus call it liberation or moksha. We call it Ascension.
(1) A permanent heart opening is called Sahaja Samadhi.