Kute Blackson: Overcoming the Fear of Abandonment

We have all had those moments of feeling the fear of being abandoned, left, or alone, whether it’s in intimate relationships or by friends. It can be scary as well as painful.

When I was in my early twenties, I often felt this gripping fear of abandonment, especially in my romantic relationships. And as a result, I used to feel afraid of being my true self. My fear was “If I am fully myself… If you know who I really am… then you won’t love me, and you will leave.”

Needless to say, I felt no peace within.

From childhood, we learn to hide who we are in order to be loved and accepted. When you betray yourself, you are trading a part of yourself in order to be loved. Sadly in the process, you end up betraying yourself. It’s not worth it.

When you think that you are lacking something inside, or that you aren’t whole and complete, you end up seeking it outside thinking that person will somehow complete you.

This creates dependency since you have made the other person responsible for your sense of freedom and inner security. You will never feel free living this way. Real freedom is an inside job.

The part of you that is afraid of abandonment is a part of you that is calling out for your love and attention.

The more you love yourself, the less you will need love from people outside, the stronger you become within. Then the easier it is to NOT betray yourself and make self honoring choices. Either you give love to yourself in a healthy way, or you will seek it outside in unhealthy ways that cause you pain.

As you do this, the fear of abandonment falls away because no matter what, you have YOU! You are then, never alone.