Emergence has two phases: a process of enlightenment and a process of embodiment. Right now I’d like to look at an aspect of the process of embodiment.
I’m having to reparent myself in some areas of social learning and good behavior that I seem to have missed out on.
I missed out on them because I chose a different part of the behavioral spectrum to concentrate on and it either seemed to rule out the missing lessons or simply cause me to focus my attention elsewhere.
Let me give an example. In my formative years, I concentrated on the freedom side of things but left out the self-control side.
I was under a high level of control from my Dad in my early years and so my struggle was to break free from control.
I totally was unaware of anything to do with the need for self-control. Let’s look at where they fit on the spectrum of behavior.
<——— Freedom from control ———-> <——— Self-control ———>
I developed all manner of skills from the work of freeing myself from my Father’s control.
I developed the ability to speak up in situations where authoritarian control was present, arbitrary, and oppressive. I developed the skills of a journalist, protesting social injustice. I developed the skills of a refugee adjudicator, the analytical and reasoning powers needed to arrive at fair and reasonable decisions, without becoming authoritarian and oppressive myself.
I managed the process of emergence from control to the extent that one needs to be a well-functioning member of society.
But what I never saw was the other side of the spectrum – the necessity for self-control.
I was free and could do what I wanted. Others had to take care of themselves, I reasoned. I prided myself on my accomplishment and gave little thought to its impact on others (again, having unconsciously become my Father in this issue, as in others).
In any discussion I’d take the side of freedom from control against self-control, reasoning that they were “either/or” when they were not. Both are necessary.
An exchange today at the supermarket undoubtedly caught me at the right moment. I’m now open to see this side of myself, that has always been regarded as somewhat objectionable. Why it was objectionable I could never understand.
As far as I was concerned, the Heavens should open up and the angels descend to take me to my rightful place because I was standing up for myself. I had emerged from domestic violence and I was a sterling example that it could be done. What more did I need to learn?
Here’s the incident that showed me there was more to learn. I was waiting at the deli counter. A man to the right of me was ahead of me and went first.
Then a second deli server finished with her customer and came over to our side and asked who was next. A man to the left of me said he was and I immediately went “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m next” and was served.
Afterwards I overheard the counter person saying to a colleague that she didn’t understand what had just happened. I went over to her and said it was simple. I was ahead of the other man and so I was next.
However, even though I was right (dead-right), the cost of my intervention was much higher than I wanted to pay and brought the need for self-control to my attention, perhaps for the first time ever.
Most people around me, I then realized, would err on the side of self-control. If the man next to me thought that he was next, they might give way to avoid the scene which I had just created.
Some people need to learn how to express their anger when they’re angry, but I need no such training. I have that one down pat. I don’t need to practice expressing myself in situations where I fear being short-changed or harmed. My need is to practice controlling myself, restraining myself, cooperating.
I’ve been responding from my core issue of “no one tells me what to do” all my life. I have the skill of standing up for myself well in hand. I could afford to respond a little more from not wanting to make a scene. It might harm others to control themselves if they’ve been subject to a great deal of control in their lives. But it would probably greatly benefit me.
Immediately upon seeing that it was time for me to start investigating self-control, new learning began to kick in. I began to see elements of my former training that could help me here.
My legal training says that I could have given the man the benefit of the doubt and held myself in check. My spiritual training tells me that the one who is first shall be last and the one who is last shall be first. On and on new insights arose, pouring out of me once I had acknowledged that I could benefit from learning self-control.
The Arcturians once told me that the assignment for me (and all lightworkers) was to master every thought and emotion. I see they repeated that same sentiment in their latest message: “This final stage of ascension into the fifth dimension can be problematic because you must BE the master of your thoughts and emotions.” (1)
If we’re not masters of our thoughts and emotions now, we’ll be creating things that we don’t want. I think one needs both wheels to his bike if the bike is to operate: Both the willingness to assert our freedom (self-expression) and the responsibility to exercise personal restraint (self-control) for the good of the whole.
There are probably many other spectrums where we have one side of the equation down pat but not the other. This particular issue combination is a major behavioral axis for me. The achievement of learning self-control while already knowing how to stand up for myself is again aimed at reaching that elusive balance point, the center point, the heart, which I consider to be the sine qua non (the indispensable condition) of spiritual growth.
(1) Sue Lie, “Arcturian Morning Message: Many Changes Approach,” May 16, 2015, via email.