It’s been a half year since a guide through Andrea Scully said:
“We would specifically and as clearly as we may, advise that there be an honest look taken at why there is a difference in the value, quality, and meaning of relations for Steve in terms of gender. We’re not suggesting that the polarity inherent in male-female interaction doesn’t hold some specialized and highly important differences. They do and this is an important feature of life in this realm.
“Instead, we speak of the higher road of mission, and how there is some limitations put in here coming from deeply unconscious places. This is so on a collective level as well, and has been spoken quite clearly about by the Council of Heaven.
“The question we would ask Steve is how is this limiting his work going forward? How is this limiting those who are in relation to him, both male and female? Only he will know the details of this, and only when he takes a look and takes inventory of what frames his beliefs and forms the foundation of his past, current and future relations with people of all gender formats.” (1)
Does it matter who said it? Not to me. I respond to the quality and depth of the comment.?
Have I answered the question asked in it yet? No, I haven’t. I’d like to look at the first paragraph of their comments here. I may need to look at the rest later.
The first paragraph neatly captures a dilemma on this dimension. And that’s that we’re asking for equality but not for sameness.
Equality implies a degree of sameness – wage parity, for instance. But how much sameness is the question. Total sameness we could never have, even if anyone wanted it, which I don’t think anyone does. But the two notions – equality and sameness – still tend to get confused.
Biological differentiation makes for different roles. Women will win equality but that doesn’t mean, for instance, that men will suddenly start carrying babies.
There are certain non-negotiable features of life here that make sameness impossible. And the guide nicely captures that situation in his or her statement.
“We would specifically and as clearly as we may, advise that there be an honest look taken at why there is a difference in the value, quality, and meaning of relations for Steve in terms of gender.”
(2) Without Sameness
“We’re not suggesting that the polarity inherent in male-female interaction doesn’t hold some specialized and highly important differences. They do and this is an important feature of life in this realm.”
So, an honest look at why there is a difference in the value, quality, and meaning of relations for Steve….
Well, right away, when I look at that, I almost burst into tears. So I’d have to say that my view of women is heavily influenced by my love for my Mother and the fact that she was an abused woman. I haven’t been able to get past that great fact in my life. It colors everything. It’s the reason why, after the Reval, I’ll be working on gender equality.
And just as predictably, my view of men is tainted by my view of my Father as an abuser. Again, great fact in my life. Huge obstacle.
I therefore tend to seek female company. I only mix with men who live up to high standards of conduct. That isn’t a code of honor. It reflects a fear of finding myself back with someone like my Dad.
Getting beyond that primary fixation is so hard for me that I’d say my relationships with women and men are almost fixed in place as a result of it.
Werner Erhard would say that I’m at the effect of these appraisals of the situation that come down from childhood; I’m not at cause with them. I don’t run them; they run me. My appraisals of the situation have command value over me, he might say.
I’m going to have to leave it at that for now. When I try to go farther, I nearly dissolve into tears. I’ll have to explore this primary lock on my mind and heart before I’ll be able to get past it, much as the guides intimated.
(1) Steve’s Guide through Andrea Scully, Sept. 4, 2014.