As the “future” we have longed for becomes the “NOW” we are living, it is natural to look back at our beginnings. I had a long meditation with IlliaEm this morning in which there were no words and no visions. There was only a feeling of being alive with pure Light and Unconditional Love. These feelings reminded me of my own awakening in the early 1990’s.
Within the innocence of our first Multidimensional experiences, we are open to receive the foundations for our return to SELF. In this series I will share my first encounters with IlliaEm and the illumination I received because I was brave enough to believe in myself.
I have communicated with many people about their awakening process, which usually includes a great deal of secrecy. “What if they find out what I am doing?” we cry, not even knowing who “they” are. Perhaps it was “just our imagination,” which sounded better than, “maybe I am just crazy.”
No, it was not safe or recommended back then to be open with our inner experiences. We were the vanguards who entered into a new world that only we could perceive. Fortunately, I had just finished my PhD in Clinical Psychology, so I was pretty sure I was not crazy.
However, I was NOT ready to come out of my psychic closet for many years. Therefore, I became “Suzan Caroll,” which was the name I chose to “protect my own innocence.” It took all the courage I had to continue my inner journeys into the unknown.
I am sharing these journeys now in the hope that others who are on the cusp of awakening can find the safety to turn around and look inside their SELF. I began this process with the blog “From the Past into the NOW” and will continue it with “Awakening with IlliaEm.”
I left off with my entry of August 30, 1995 in which I “remembered” first leaving Arcturius in response to Gaia’s call for help. On October 21, 1995 I continued my communication with IlliaEm.
October 21, 1995
Beloved One, We, IlliaEm, return to communicate with you. You have remembered leaving Arcturus. Now, we ask you to remember, ‘being Arcturian.’ Feel now the experience of your Arcturian Self.
Dear IlliaEm, when I close my eyes to allow my mind to calm and my body to relax, I can feel myself as a star. My body is made of Light. In fact, I look like a star that a child would draw. I have two legs that come down from my middle and two arms that go out from the middle and a head that comes up from the middle.
However, I do not have the definition of form that I have in my third dimensional body. Also, I am androgynous. No, I am more than androgynous; I am beyond the definition of sexuality as it is known on Earth.
When I meet other members of my pod, we merge into one person for a greeting then we return to our individual vessels. These vessels are only individual if I look at the brightest portion of our emanations. If I look more closely, I find that I am connected to all the other members of my pod by a dimmer emanation, which is similar to a gossamer wing.
This wing is a network that connects all of us and gives us a group consciousness beyond what my Earth consciousness can even imagine. I know that I am totally connected to the other members of my pod, who I perceive as the other members of my SELF.
Through our network, we are in instant and constant communication with each other. We can communicate with all forty portions of ourselves in the same NOW; or we can communicate with any one individually. We are in preparation for our departure, but I am now realizing that, just as we are departing, we are also staying.
We are bi-locating. The core of forty will infinitely remain constant as a grounding force for our universal travels. However, since our sense of being on a planet and being on a starship is the same, “staying” means the component of our SELF who holds the space while our extended SELF is bi-locating.
Since we are beyond the limits of time and space, this is not impossible. We can easily be at two, or in fact many, locations at once. We can also travel away for a very long “time,” and when we return, it will be as though we never left. The difference is that we have a new experience within our beingness.
I am now experiencing our preparations for our journey to Venus. We will go to Venus before we go to Earth so that we can learn how to lower our resonance enough to enter into one of the physical vessels on Atlantis. We say our final goodbye to the portion of our Selves that is staying by going into a group stasis, which is like sleep on Earth. In this manner we are joined together as ONE unit.
Since we have decided to create cycles similar to what is known as day and night on Earth, we can use the “night”, or inflow cycle, to join into one consciousness and journey to the higher dimensions of our Selves. In the “day”, or outflow cycle, we separate into the forty different portions of our Selves.
In this manner, we can ground our higher experiences into our seventh dimensional Arcturian planet while we learn to be of service to others on our plane, as well as to others on the lower dimensions. I now feel us going into our inflow cycle to gather all instructions from our higher Selves and to gain our final briefing before our adventure. I am unable to remain conscious during this briefing. I can only retain a feeling of the messages.
Almost two months later:
December 12, 1995
I felt you in my meditation. It has been ten days since a very bad accident occurred with two of my family members. This is the first time that I have been able to really meditate. I know that you have been with us throughout the entire time. However, I was so absorbed in the third dimension that I have not been able to be conscious of your presence. Allow me now to hear the words that I felt during the meditation but could not understand.
You have unconsciously given much of your life force towards this challenge, which is why you have been so tired. Do not be concerned as we are replenishing your life force with a frequency of energy of a much higher vibration than the one that you lost. The crisis of a near-death experienced is one that will be, and is being, experienced by many now and in the immediate future.
The old vibration must be accelerated. In doing so many portions of your reality at that lower vibration will disappear. The challenge that each of you will experience will allow you to choose what is important in your lives and what can be released. For you, dear Suzille, the lesson was clear. The fear of loss of things must be released, as it will cause your death.
Does that sound harsh? Yes, it is. But what death do I speak of? I speak of the death of the inner world that you have known. Fear is a very powerful creative force and if you fear anything, you will bring it about. The human body is a “thing.” It is not of spirit or of a higher dimensional vibration. It is of the same vibration as a car, a house or money.
It you fear the loss of any of those things you will indeed lose them, as well as the human vessels which uses them. Dearest Suzille, we need you to maintain your physical form in order to assist Lady Gaia until her transition is complete.
If at that time you desire to release your clay vessel, then it can be sacrificed to the Mother. In the meantime, it is still necessary for your Loved Ones to keep their vessels for the same purpose that you have chosen to keep yours.
Remember Dear, that the anchor (your human Earth vessel) will raise the ship (Gaia’s planet Earth). Stay aware in your third dimensional “anchor” and extend this awareness all the way to myself, IlliaEm. In this manner shall you realize the true Multidimensional Being that you are.
Note from Sue,
I pondered whether or not to put in this entry, but we have all had to face challenging events in which we can lose too much energy and endanger our health, as well as our ability to perform our mission. Therefore, I have included it.
January 4, 1996
(Entire message from IlliaEm, so I will not bold the type here. My comments are in italics.)
Happy New Year dear Suzille,
I AM IlliaEm, here to speak with you again. I was with you on New Years Eve as well as last evening. Yes there is something that I wish to tell you. I wish to say my dear, that your work shall be continued in this New Year. Do not fear nor worry that your destiny will not be fulfilled.
Be patient, for patience allows you the creative time to sprout your deepest subconscious Self so that you can gradually blossom in your physical world. I spoke to you yesterday about how each of your “incarnations” is actually a point of perspective into physical reality.
Imagine that each of the many incarnations you have remembered are experienced as a shining ball of Light. Some of these “Lights” are much dimmer than others, and some are brighter. These balls of Light encircle Lady Gaia and have roots that run deep into the core of Her Being. As you heal any life or reality, you serve to heal The Mother as well.
See how your Soul can look through these points of perspective to see and experience physical incarnation in a different fashion. And, see how your Oversoul can look through all of these points of perception at the same moment. When you can experience your lives from the perspective of your Oversoul you will return to being your true Multidimensional Self.
Also, as you know, your Multidimensional Self can simultaneously experience life on the higher vibrations at the same moment as it is experiencing it in the physical. In fact, that is what you are doing as you communicate with me. I am your ninth-dimensional Self. Therefore, as you communicate with me, you can perceive all your Multidimensional experiences from the first through the ninth dimensions.
(Note: I am still not aware of that level of perception.)
Eventually, you will learn to associate with me so deeply that I can share my vision with you and you can gradually begin to experience reality as I do. This is a very long process and one that should not be rushed or you will not be able to maintain life in your clay form. Be patient, and allow me to teach you how to make the gradual assent through all the higher levels of your Self.
(Note: Wow that is good to know. The “patience” that I used was totally forgetting the message. I wonder how many times I have done that? )
There are many mysteries that I can reveal to you. You will be able to experience these mysteries as totally real through your writing. And through your writing you will be able to share that view with others. This is your highest destiny, my ONE. Continue your healing and you will be able to manifest it.
I complete this message with a meditation:
The Golden Door
See before you a Golden Door. How big is this door?
Place yourself directly in front of this door. Can you feel the heat of this higher vibration as it emanates off the door? Can you hear the buzz, like a million fireflies?
Are you ready to enter this door? Are you ready to remove the illusions that have clouded your vision of the Truth?
If you are ready to enter the door, please step towards it. As you move closer to the door, it seems to move closer to you.
Feel the call in your heart for the door to open. With your mind, see the door open and step through across the threshold. Feel the transition in your body.
You are glowing now. You are covered with, and made of, the same Golden Light as the door itself. Take a long moment to adjust to this new way of being. Feel that you are lighter than air and buoyant as a feather.
Your movement is only in your mind, and your physical body is perfectly still. Patiently await your Guide. As your Guide approaches you, focus only your feelings.
Your guide now leads you towards a Circle make of even more brilliant Light. The Circle is filled with complete stillness and the faint whisper of a Celestial choir.
You must enter this circle alone. You must find within yourself the unity and guidance that you seek.
Remember pure Love and complete commitment. Remember TRUTH.
You are in the center of the circle now. Two ethereal ladies in pink come forward and remove the invisible “Veil of Illusion” from your face.
You hear the voice of your inner Guide. What is your Guide saying to you?
Listen with your heart, your consciousness and your body. Feel the message as it caresses your heart… Expands your consciousness… Transmutes your body…
Release ALL doubt and love your SELF. Only then will you understand that which you have always known!