I had a core issue rise for me last week and perhaps I could say a little about what I learned.
I called the vasana “tectonic” rather than “volcanic” because it was so huge. It revolved around the trauma I felt when my father hit my mother a second time and she left the family home forever. Of course I went with her and that ended my relationship with my father, at least emotionally, and with life as I’d known it.
I’ve never experienced that vasana going off before. I was not even aware that I had a vasana around my leaving the family home.
My vasanas usually trace back to the first time my father hit my mother when I was seven or to my mother’s death when I was twenty-one. I can see that this particular vasana needed to go off. It was definitely a core issue and needed to be known and released and everything like it is probably being released at this time.
But it wasn’t pleasant for me and it wasn’t pleasant for others around me.
So let me share some of what I learned from the experience.
The first thing is that the time between trigger and final explosion was a week. It often takes some amount of time between the triggering event and the final Krakatoa. But a week may be the longest it has ever taken me. A second vasana also went off and I thought I was done with the uproar after I sourced that one. Little did I know.
Had I known there was a subterranean issue going on that would shift the Earth under my feet, so to speak, rather than just explode like an isolated volcano, I would have sought out a listener and gotten to it. But I didn’t know this tectonic vasana was even there.
I became aware of it when I awoke one morning at 5:55 (nice number) saying the word “unforgiveable!” to myself. Knowing how to work with vasanas, I didn’t attribute that word to a dream but knew it was the key to a vasana, so I allowed the picture attached to the word to come up and what bubbled up was me walking up the stairs to my old house.
That was the last moment I ever lived in that house because Dad met me at the door and told me that Mom had left. I’m not sure if he told me to join her or I just did. But I did leave to join her.
I never set foot in the old house again except to remove some of my things. And I set out on a life without Father, without comforts because we were very poor after that, etc., etc.
So this vasana was based in what Werner Erhard would have called a Number One Upset, characterized by shocking loss. All my life has been shaped by the first instance of climactic violence from Dad, when he hit her and she dropped unconscious to the ground.
That had me follow a path in life that ultimately led me to be a human-rights decision-maker or refugee adjudicator specializing in gender issues. I have been unaware of the impact of this second instance of climactic violence because this vasana had never gone off.
When the final eruption went off as soon as I heard the word “unforgiveable!” I vented for half a day, including throwing up and being livid with rage and hate. Following that I had a long talk with a friend, one of the few people I know who is both outside her constructed self and a very good listener, got the whole thing out on the table, which allowed me to see all the factors at play and resulted in my confusion going away and peace returning.
So even though I know a fair amount about vasanas, I did not see that a second vasana was at play here. And the delayed reaction of a week is a fairly long fuse time for the final eruption.
The fact that I too am outside my constructed self meant that things could move ahead without secondary effects occurring. For instance, I didn’t have the monkey on my shoulder commenting on events, saying “you should feel guilty about that” or” don’t you feel abashed about this?”
I could just move through things without Constant Comment, the voiceover, the generalized other. That made recovery quicker and cleaner – for me. Didn’t make it any easier for those who had to put up with me.
It’s noteworthy to see that one can be outside the constructed self and still have vasanas. The constructed self is a residue, a precipitate, a product of vasanas. When we have a vasana go off and we don’t complete it, but instead project it onto others, we often reach a conclusion about life and make decisions based on that conclusion. The decisions we make add a fresh twist or layer to the constructed self.
Take away the constructed self and you don’t eliminate all vasanas. Even enlighten yourself to Brahmajnana, seventh-chakra enlightenment and you still don’t rid yourself of vasanas.
Go one stage of enlightenment higher – sahaja samadhi, where the kundalini reaches the hridayam or spiritual heart – and you become a siddha, which means “boiled.” A siddha is a perfected being.
The temperature of that enlightenment is metaphorically high enough to boil the seeds that the vasanas are, the seeds of future action, and we are at last free of them. And also liberated from the need to be reborn as we will be free in the Fifth Dimension.
But until then, we still have to wrestle with our vasanas, sometimes even (or perhaps often) from past lives.
So we’ve talked about tectonic vasanas, core issues, and the constructed self. But there’s also the factor that our personal power is returning, which only adds to the confusion and potential destructivness of the whole affair. It can be daunting to see a person who is experiencing a return of personal power having a tectonic shift. And it’s confusing to the person having the ground move under his feet.
So it was altogether what so many of our higher-dimensional friends have called a “chaotic” time. Not pleasant for any of us to go through. And magnified and reflected in the outer world, where we’ve just seen a false-flag operation which was not anywhere near as destructive as 9/11 was, but is still being engineered for maximum effect. The outside seems to mirror the inside for chaos.
There is also the factor of lightworkers clearing for the collective but that wouldn’t make it any easier to abide such an eruption as mine was. Being outside the constructed self means I’m returning to peacefulness much quicker than I’d have predicted but I’m going to rest today and make the transition later back to normal life, so to speak. For now I need to cradle myself in the arms of whatever angels have hung in with me.
And, as always, the synchronicity factor would have it that I have a reading with Archangel Michael today and will probably learn much more about this episode and about the false-flag perhaps.