Me when I’m self-protective.
(Continued from Part 2.)
Lightworker victims of abuse have to emerge if they’re to serve. I know I do. I imagine the same applies to others.
We have to put fear behind us. We have to let go of self-protection, remaining invisible, and flying under the radar.
We have to stop being hypervigilant, close down our escape routes, and let go of leaving at the drop of a pin, if we’re to stand forth in our magnificence.
I didn’t learn that in 1986. I had to lose that relationship because I remained conflicted, suppressed and self-protected. While I’m still that way to a lesser extent. I now see the way out of it and I’m pursuing it.
I’m a recovering victim of domestic abuse – not fully recovered yet, but I see the work that needs to be done and I’m doing it.
Like King George in The King’s Speech (yes, there are a few good things on TV), I do the emotional equivalent of stammering in intimacy. I may lose my temper at times and feel the task is hopeless, as the King did. I certainly have walked away from people as he walked away from Lionel, the speech therapist. But if a hedged-in King could get through his impediment, so can I.
I know deep down the necessity of overcoming my stammer with intimates and leaving behind the web of hypervigilance and self-protection (what one mate called my “scared wolf” look).
Wolfie. Definitely not Mozart
And most of all I know the buoying effect, the strength that arises from owning my own power. Not in an arrogant, conceited or controlling manner. But like Farmgirl.
Rather than being invisible herself, she wielded her power invisibly, subtly, and gently. (Well, how invisible and subtle is a beacon of love?) Rather than being hypervigilant, she loved everyone unconditionally, even the man she left.
What was it the Mother said in An Hour with an Angel on Sept. 14, 2014? If we surrender to love – love of ourselves and those around us – our physical needs would be taken care of?
Farmgirl’s needs were taken care of. She had men leaving bouquets of roses on her steps. She had men repairing her house without her having to ask. She was magnificent!
So to all lightworker victims of physical abuse, what we need to do collectively is to emerge from our fear, self-protection and hypervigilance, and stand forth in our magnificence, gently, sweetly.
The more we love ourselves, the more we’ll know we’ve made progress. The more we own our own power, the more magnificence we can let out. The more people around us give us the feedback that we’re known to them, the more we have indicators of our progress. Like the American Express man, we can ask: “Do you know me?”
There is life after abuse. There is a return to normalcy. Knowing that is one contribution of the awareness path.
And normalcy for many angelic lightworkers who’ve overcome abuse, like Farmgirl, is supernormal, way beyond what we’d anticipate for a “normal” normal person.
Farmgirl was magnificent. My hat’s off to her to today. And we can learn from her and be that same magnificence. I know that would be the greatest gift, the most precious bouquet, to her and the whole world beyond her. And I think it’s a gift that she’d appreciate.