by Digger Barr
gaiasgardens.guru/
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
The familiar childhood angst from the backseat prods every parent to hasten the journey.
And as every parent knows patience is easier said than done.
Are we there yet? isn’t coming from someone else.
It is the mantra of my inner child stirring the angst of my own mind.
I calm myself. I coddle and console. I bide my time and distract the mind.
We are almost there, I tell the restlessness with uncertainty.
Deeper inside, a knowing sits in compassionate amusement.
Ah, the paradigm of being human and always wanting to know.
Wanting answers to questions that won’t make sense.
When I settle into a quiet moment, allowing a peaceful calm to sweep over me.
It permeates my skin beyond the external world and settles the nerves.
Working its way into my torso, my guts and pulls the stress away, and pushes it down towards my feet.
Into the ground and out of my physicality I ground myself again and again.
Taking this moment I have much gratitude for knowing how to exercise in this way.
I feel tired most of the time.
Balanced with bursts of exuberant energy, each day becomes a journey in itself.
Give the body permission.
Each night a different arena playing out an entirely different game.
Will I sleep through the night tonight? Assuredly not.
Will it be 2 or 4 hrs? Will I sleep until I wake?
Will that be another 2:30, 3:00 or 4:00 am?
I drift off again until the sun grant’s full permission to wakefulness.
What do the dreams say?
Pay attention.
I rise with a promise I will honor any nap requests during the daytime portion of this process.
What day is it? I ask again for the umpteenth time.
Can’t remember probably because it doesn’t matter.
I totally forgot what I was doing.
I remember an important appointment exactly when I need to, when it’s time to go.
Easy to drop everything as it will still be there later anyway, or not.
Does it matter?
The matrix exposed is eroding away.
I am getting stronger dealing with the shift and change of any given moment.
Like a kite swept along by upswings and downdrafts, I stay in surrender realizing that this is what I was born to do.
Wings must flap before they glide.
My resilience gives me acceptance that what was is not what will be.
And what will be couldn’t be more welcomed.
I just didn’t know that before.
Maybe I knew it before but I knew it differently then.
Now I feel it. It’s grown to be more than a thought and idea.
More than an aspiration.
It’s become a part of me. Now it’s who I am.
It’s what I want to experience in the presence of others.
From others for others from me for me
It’s what I want to experience in solitude.
All of it all of the time.
What is it? It is energy.
The energy as frequency.
A high vibe, a nice thought, a blissful feeling, a smile, a hug , an okay day.
Any of this is where I want to be.
Are we there yet?
Start the cycle again
Integrated now more than the day before.
Digger25