A Faithful Skeptic

April 6, 2024

Education has failed in a very serious way to convey the most important lesson science can teach: skepticism. ~ David Suzuki

Not to be shallow, but, now that my “hip pain” is on the wane and easy movement is ascending, I don’t feel nearly as desperate for the solar flare / Ascension to occur. My physical life has gotten appreciably more comfortable since hip replacement surgery five weeks ago, and one result is that my anxious need for med beds and other New Earth accoutrements to show up already has gone from a boil to a simmer. 

I’m feeling a tad guilty for having let some of my little spiritual routines fall by the wayside. More troubling is a growing skepticism that our golden future is just around the corner. 

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I’m reminded of the genteel derision with which regular churchgoers (such as my family were) viewed parishioners who only showed up at Christmas and  Easter. Those weren’t real Catholics, so they must not have real faith.

Perhaps steadfast Ascension believers, those whose faith rarely wavers, might have a similar view toward me. I’d certainly expect a few admonishments to restart my spiritual practices or at least use my reclaimed mobility to engage in walking meditation. 

I have to admit, I secretly envied those fair-weather Catholics. They didn’t abandon a cozy home and the Sunday funnies to endure that tedious Latin mass while squirming on hard, slippery pews. I think I knew even then that no one needed a fancy church or a priestly intermediary to commune with God. My childhood view was that Christ lived in my heart, despite what catechism tried to teach me. 

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Going into hip surgery, I was a secret skeptic. Oh, sure, it worked for everyone else…but who’s to say the miracle will happen for me? No surgery outcome is guaranteed. And what about Frank’s brother Bobby, who ended up with nerve damage after hip replacement surgery and now can’t drive for a year?

Still, I went through with it. The pain had pushed me as far as it could and I was unwilling to continue suffering, especially since an easy fix (relatively speaking) was readily available. 

The persistent doubt about having hip surgery was, in essence, a surface phenomenon. I wouldn’t have been able to check myself into the hospital and turn this soul cradle of a body over to strangers if my soul had not given its approval and encouragement. My outer self doubted; my inner self knew.

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Even though I feel a curious blankness and disconnection from spiritual life, I don’t feel as if Spirit has hung up the phone on its end of the cosmic line. It’s more that there’s a bit of static on the line. Perhaps a few feeder lines have been damaged or cut off.

If that’s the case, I do have faith in one thing. The static will subside and the lines will reach frayed ends toward each other, becoming whole and functional once again. Just like the nerves in my leg that were severed during surgery will, over time, regenerate, grow toward each other, become even stronger pathways of communication than before. The numbness will abate; feeling will return.

I stand, stretch, and contemplate the sunny, briskly cool outdoors. I can walk out there right now, if I want to. And maybe, just for fun, I will dedicate half a block to walking meditation. 

Just the thought of that is one feeder line reconnecting with its severed end, creating a new pathway along the glowing faith and trust network within me.