Sometimes I’m going to be wrestling with an issue that I’m not willing or able to discuss.
But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m in cognitive dissonance or inner turmoil around it. (If you’re thinking it’s you, it isn’t.)
I’m wrestling with inner dissonance, the inner argument at the moment…
… and I recognize the inner turmoil as an externalization of the incessant arguments between my Dad and Mom. This wind-up toy got wound up once too often and now doesn’t need anyone else to wind him up. He does it himself.
But I’m getting ahead of myself – I’m already processing the upset.
Before that, what I wanted to mention was something that’d be earth-shaking, if you lived in this body. When I inquired into what the feeling was I was experiencing, it turned out to be a deep sense of worthlessness.
After I wrote these words, I read Jesus through John: “Allow yourselves to cease clinging to any sense of unworthiness.” (1)
Total worthlessness. What’s it all about? Why am I doing this? What makes a difference anyways? I was glum and directionless.
My processing mind already knows it follows on from years of criticism from Dad. I was a “lazy no-good good-for-nothing,” probably because I liked to read and he liked to golf and swim.
But knowing all that isn’t what revived me.
What revived me – and this is the first time this has happened – was remembering the purpose of life.
Remembering the purpose was like pulling up the zipper on a suit bag. You can put the suit back in the closet now. Unworthiness has no more role to play in a life lived aligned with that purpose.
The purpose of life, as it was shown to me in 1987, is to know who we truly are. (2) When we know that and at the moment of realization, God meets God. And it was for that meeting that this round of life in matter (mater, Mother) was created. (3)
The purpose of life for me is to know who I truly am. And that makes everything that happens a potential lesson.
I could afford to ask myself after every interaction that has seemed difficult: What did I learn about myself? What can I learn?
And then I need to assimilate and ground myself in what I did learn.
Sri Ramakrishna used to say, in spiritual life, you work hard and then you get your pension. I’m in the stage of working hard but I know my pension will be Ascension into a domain where higher-dimensional love is always present. I can wait for that. I know it’s worth waiting for!
I feel restored to purpose, back on a track I never left and could never leave. Neither could anyone else! We’re all of us on that same journey, from God to God, as illustrated:
Knowing the purpose of life and that by waiting for its fulfilment in Ascension, I’m right on track, I can wait.
Knowing that all of this that happens to me in my life is simply to awaken me to who I am, I can endure.
Fulfilling life’s purpose seems to me to have the supreme value, the supreme worth in life. This is not worthless. This is what life is all about.
(1) “Jesus Through John: Allow Yourselves to Cease Clinging to any Sense of Unworthiness,”
(2) See “The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment – Ch. 13 – Epilogue” in The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment at http://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Purpose-of-Life-is-Enlightenment.pdf
(3) For more on the Divine Mother, see “On the Nature of the Divine Mother” at All Paths Lead to the Mother at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/All-Paths-Lead-to-the-Mother-R2.pdf