This article was not posted at the time because I felt I had said enough on the subject. Now I’ve decided to post it, to include it in the book on Vasanas.
I feel much more able to “source” or complete an upset, core issue, etc., now than I was, say, ten years ago. (1)
As this anger volcano goes off and I go to track down its source, I end up in confusion – for the same reason I did a decade ago. I feel two ways at once and it’s confusing….
And then I remember – something that I mentioned earlier. (2) I’m not experiencing a single or simple vasana. I’m re-experiencing a two-handed script.
On the one hand, I feel anger. On the other hand, I feel a need for consolation. The two don’t seem to go together and then I realize that it’s my Father and my Mother speaking. My Father is angry and my Mother needs consoling.
Now I re-experience the vasana without confusion.
Who am I to rely on my memories for comfort? (Med beds apparently will remove traumatic memories.) (2)
I now take this knowledge that I’m looking at a script rather than a single vasana into meditation, asking my mind to throw me up a picture of its origins. I see the family around the dinner table and Mom is storming out.
I see the glass doors and (fake) crystal chandeliers. I feel sad and in need of consolation myself. I am crying now.
And this scene was repeated again and again and again.
There was no knowledge to speak of, then, about communication, relationship, parenting, etc. There isn’t much now. No one knew what they were doing. They were “just being nice” or “teaching him/her a lesson.” That was the extent of the insight.
I’ve said before that I could hear the other boys on the block “getting walloped” by their Dads. That was “just the way it was.”
So I took this scene of marital discord and made a movie out of it and a two-handed script. I’d like to say I feel release but, rather, I feel a deep sadness.
Footnotes
(1) See Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R3.pdf
(2) See “Right/Wrong Not a Way Out,”