Befriending the Dragon

December 2, 2021

Pain is a nutcracker. I wonder if it will go away now that it’s cracked open a deeper heart connection? It’s as if an opaque gray geode has been smacked onto another rock, splitting it open to reveal the most glorious bright crystal light.

An amethyst cluster, I should think. Deep purple, the color of royalty and a favored color, I believe, of dragons.

*****

I’ve never striven to “love myself.“ How selfish, how egotistical that would be. I would never dare put that at the top of my to-do list. My to-be list.

How unfortunate that I bought into that insidious viewpoint for most of my life.

We are encouraged, or I certainly was, to seek rewards from our accomplishments. “Being loving” would be too non–goal oriented to garner a reward. I don’t fault our parents; I’m sure they were only replicating how they had been raised.

Decades later, I’m living in the inevitable result of not learning a most basic principle of spiritual peace. It’s so hard to love myself, I have to train myself how to do so after convincing myself I should bother with the effort.

*****

Words have power. Words wielded with healing intent purportedly can reforge our neural pathways. I believe we are capable of reprograming our bodies energetically and cellularly, right into perfect well-being.

Repeating I love myself, I approve of myself, perhaps initiates just such a reprogramming. I feel an instant body shift into quietude every time I say the words. It has the feeling of a calming prayer delivered to a god I know is listening.

It all sounds very simple, which I applaud. I’ve tried so many programs and methods that have only partially succeeded (if at all) that reverting to the simplest possible action has great appeal. 

I feel zero resistance to saying an affirmation, although I balk at tackling the whole “Heal Your Life” program. Which means, I won’t be attempting it right this moment. The days of determining where I need to change by the degree of resistance I feel are over. Dr. Peebles often gave suggestions, followed by, “If it feels like homework, then don’t do it. Only do what brings you joy.” 

Silently or out loud repeating, I love myself, I approve of myself, feels like giving myself a hug. I just started alternating it with, I’m open to receiving my best and highest good. 

I’m also dusting off a “Super-Charge Your Affirmations” self-hypnosis script. (1) After all, it’s been demonstrated that the subconscious needs to be on board when we want to change something; that the subconscious is in fact the only place from which we can effect genuine, lasting change. Hypnosis / self-hypnosis offers a reliable way to access and enlist the subconscious mind in our endeavors. 

I already know it works for me. I did two different goal-setting scripts about ten years ago. One was to complete all assignments for a developmental editing class, and the other was to be a certain weight by a certain date. 

I finished the class easily, and although I completely forgot I’d done the script, several months later, around the date I’d specified, I realized I was within two pounds of the weight I had said I wanted to be.

*****

Dutifully following a meticulously documented program like “Heal Your Life” feels like homework. Not that I think I’m too advanced to need a program; just not here, not now, and not written in ink as anything I must do, ever. Something short, simple, and heart-centered like repeating an affirmation feels just about right.

Perhaps I’m wising up enough to do what my heart requests. And in its wisdom, my heart is even willing to befriend the dragon of pain, and find out what it’s really trying to tell me. Maybe it just wanted to whisper, “Love yourself,” but, being a dragon, the words came in flames that I felt as pain.

It seems we all have dragons: abandonment, love given but apparently not returned, unwanted solitude when it looks like everyone else has a close-knit family. This last tends to crop up most viciously during the holidays, and to me is the hardest to defuse, as it requires “others” being tangibly there for us.

My current monster-dragon shows up as Pain. I’ll see if I can coax it from feared adversary to advocate and ally. I’ll offer a lovely amethyst cluster as a welcoming gift. 

Perhaps the dragon might have a diamond or two for me. If so, I wouldn’t turn them down, but tuck them in a treasure chest and solemnly swear to protect the precious contents ever after.

(1) The script is from Instant Self-Hypnosis: How to Hypnotize Yourself with Your Eyes Open by Forbes Robbins Blair. From ForbesRobbinsBlair.com: “Hypnosis isn’t a cure-all; it’s a tool that can be applied to a lot of challenges and goals. Sometimes it can help you get what you want all by itself. Other times, it works alongside other forms of help or therapy. It can help you achieve your goals faster and easier in most cases.”