(Continued from yesterday.)
At this moment (8:27 am) the working of my senses is slowed down. No thoughts are arising.
I’d been in bliss when I ended the last entry, but with interaction that occurred before opening this entry I’m once again at a baseline stillpoint, minus the bliss.
My body feels as if it weighs a ton and is operating at the slowest possible level, like molasses oozing out of the bottle. Even my breathing is labored.
No, I’m not having a heart attack. But, even so, I’m in the arms of the Mother; what need have I to worry?
I allow the heaviness and labor to win out and just bring everything to a halt. Full stop!
I feel a prearranged signal between Michael and me which says he’s on board – undoubtedly stage-managing what’s happening. In the next short while, with each decision I make, I receive an agreement signal from Michael to a total of four.
I relax into meditation.
I’ve just realized that orgasm brings us momentarily to stillpoint. But without awareness that that’s the case. (2)
I return to full stop. I sink down into it, settle into being.
My body is so heavy I almost feel like I’m choking.
I imagine my body as a booster rocket and disengage from it. I’m in the command module. Now I’m floating in space.
I’m expanding in every direction. I feel like the chick who’s broken through the egg. The sun is shining through and the chick is now resting.
Stillpoint now becomes a retreat, a place I can go, to rest in. I retreat back to stillpoint.
Again another signal of agreement from Michael as I lay my head back on my chair.
Of course. Why didn’t I see it? I haven’t been able to imagine what stillpoint might be like. But it’s now obvious. It’s a consciousness space in which the silence and stillness is complete. I’d say that’s as close to the Father as we’re going to get short of realization.
In the est Training, on the dimensions of knowing, I’d say this covers the territory described in “Not Knowing,” which is immediately below the line separating Unconscious from Conscious Awareness.
Natural Knowing (Conscious Awareness)
Not Knowing (Unconscious Awareness)
“Not Knowing” refers to the mental/emotional territory reached when one knows for certain, after believing, thinking, feeling, and touching some thing or space or identity, that one absolutely does not know it. All one’s efforts have resulted in nothing certain except knowing one does not know.
I’m not sure Werner was referring to Ascension when he put forward his model. But the model itself does lend itself well.
The dark night of the soul = stillpoint = Territory of “Not Knowing.”
I think Bernadette Roberts was speaking of reaching this point when she wrote:
“At a certain point, when we have done all we can [to bring about an abiding union with the divine], the divine steps in and takes over.” (1)
Or Ramana Maharshi:
“Your efforts can extend only thus far. Then the Beyond will take care of itself. You are helpless there. No effort can reach it.” (2)
I return to just allowing my experience to unfold. I already know that the Mother and Michael are in charge of it so I have no need to worry.
For now the experience is simply one of nothingness. Nothing to see here, Q would say. A dark night of the soul.
I rest in the stillness and silence.
I feel pressure on my body, as if I’m being compressed. When I say the word “compressed,” I get an agreement signal from Michael.
And now there is a knock at my door and the experience quickly susbides and disappears.
Later: The snapback from the rapid re-entry was uncomfortable but manageable and lasted into the next day.
(1) Bernadette Roberts, “The Path to No-Self” in Stephan Bodian, ed. Timeless Visions, Healing Voices. Freedom, CA: Crossing Press, 1991, 131.
(2) Sri Ramana Maharshi, Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi, Question 197. Downloaded from https://www.ramana-maharshi.org/books.htm, 31 August 2005.