I said a few days back:
“Today I felt like I was falling apart.
“Confused about so many things in my life, refusing to respond in the old ways I used to but having nothing to put in their place, memory not functioning, feeling completely down on myself, I felt awash in cognitive dissonance.” (1)
The vasana or core issue that’s been triggered, which I’ve been processing for some time now, is all about the aggressive male and the universe was telling me, this one has to got to be let go of at all levels.
This part of the puzzle – “refusing to respond in the old ways I used to but having nothing to put in their place” – was this day cleared up.
Before I tell you how it resolved itself, I need to tell a story about an experience at an enlightenment intensive round about 2006 because this looks to me like a repeat performance.
At that time, I went through a massive vasana, really massive, and emerged feeling … guess how? … normal. Normal. Can you believe it?
By “normal” I mean vibrating or resonating within the design range of all equipment, systems, speaking, acting, etc.
What “design range” is for you depends on your paradigm. Materialist? Spiritualist? And so on.
What are the implications of ending up feeling normal?
One is that it indicates I was behaving outside the design range of some equipment, system, speaking, acting. Something is “out.”
Prior to processing the vasana at the intensive, I’d been “out,” outside the design range of spiritual relationships because I yielded to anger. Unhappy, ignorant of why life was not working, at the pinnacle of my career (2006) and I just wanted to get away as fast as I could. (2)
Then, at an enlightenment intensive, I had emerged from the inner shambles of my life up till that time. And the name of the station I arrived at was … normal. (3)
OK, with that as backdrop, add the ingredient that my aggressive male arose recently. I was touched in a place where I live and I sparked.
The Mother recently described the energies that are hitting us and forcing everything unworkable to the surface:
“I have flooded, we have flooded, each of you with massive attunements and opportunities, energies of which you have never known the likes of. Previously your bodies could not hold this level of light, this level of love.” (4)
In this environment of heightened love energies, a chance remark was all it took to make me aware of my aggressive act, number, racket, whatever you want to call it, and bring on this inner soul-searching and writhing. I report this in case anyone else is going through it. Thank heavens for the Pause.
These eruptions have much more significance and potency today than they did a number of years ago.
Significance in that they’re arising for us now to remove a barrier to more refined experiencing. No generation before us, Michael has said, has experienced so much energy. Archangel Gabriel tells us:
“There is an increase in the energy of the Earth’s vibrational field. Because of this, people are experiencing a shift in consciousness that encourages their search for meaning in all that they do. And Universal Consciousness is now more easily available to all who seek than ever before.
“This increase in energy is also creating great and rapid change in the world around you. Information is more available, tremendous earth changes, such as earthquakes, fires and hurricanes, seem to be occurring with more frequency, and the very fabric of social, political and family life seems to have shifted into unknown areas.” (5)
And it’s causing our unfinished business to come calling.
These eruptions have much more potency in that the love energies rising are squeezing us like toothpaste, much more now than they ever did before.
I’ve been processing this vasana ever since and I’m still not done. Short of sahaja samadhi, I don’t think we ever completely get rid of our vasanas. But they do subside if we remain neutral and aware with them.
Awareness dissolves. That’s my hypothesis.
Back to aggressive males. I found the answer and it’s going to look so ordinary (although the experience was not ordinary, just the description), I’m almost embarrassed to say it, it sounds so simple.
The problem was: “Refusing to respond in the old ways I used to but having nothing to put in their place.”
I saw what is to take their place. You’ll thank me I’m sure for not saying “love.” No, there are other aspects to life.
No, I was observing myself very closely, in the midst of feeling dismayed and regretful. And you know how you turn a padlock and, if you hit the right space, it clicks open or shut? One degree further and no?
Here my actions were unfolding and I was acting like a radar, watching everything I do closely. What I found and discovered I’ll save for tomorrow.
(To be concluded tomorrow, in Part 2.)
(1) “From Breakdown to Bliss: Message from the Universe?”
(2) From dishwasher at Bridges Restaurant to Member of the Immigration and Refugee Board. Why, after all this, did I feel empty? Why did I not feel satisfied?
(3) Longtime readers will know I was dissociated from age 7 to 58 because of domestic violence. I emerged from it just about the time I left the Board. All that has been discussed.
(4) “Linda Dillon: Universal Mother Mary’s New Year’s Message,” January 3, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/01/03/linda-dillon-universal-mother-marys-new-years-message/.
On another occasion she discussed where the energies were coming from:
“Normally, [Light] would come from me to my realms, to the dominions, to the seraphim, to the archangels, etc., to the masters, to your guardians, and then to you. But that is why each of you is shining like a star with many facets. You are being bombarded by all of us. You see, there is no shortage of what I have to share.” (“The Divine Mother: The Role of Clarity,” Oct. 8, 2013, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2013/10/08/the-divine-mother-the-role-of-clarity/.)
“There is a new energy – can we call it a tertiary wave, though it is more than that – that comes to the planet directly from the heart of the Mother. And yes, we are her delivery agents.” (Archangel Michael in “Transcript ~ Archangel Michael: Peace is Love, May 11, 2017,” Channeled by Linda Dillon, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/05/21/transcript-archangel-michael-peace-is-love-may-11-2017/.)
(5) “Archangel Gabriel via Shanta Gabriel: Stability Can Be Found Within,” Sept. 15, 2015 at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/09/14/archangel-gabriel-via-shanta-gabriel-stability-can-be-found-within/.