I’m going through such strong feelings in these times of chaos and heightened concern that … this becomes a laboratory. Time for observation and reporting. Rich, rich pickings for a student of awareness.
It’s a time of current affairs on which a tremendous amount depends, current affairs that have been in the planning for more than a century and are now launched.
I’m watching how I go through my transition related to it. And I must say that the news is like a daily fix these days, it’s so gripping.
These are chaotic times so making a shift fits in with everything else – lockdowns, wearing masks, working from home, businesses closed down – it’s an appropriate time to make changes, as the Mother hopes we’ll do during her “Pause.” (1)
I get to observe myself in the process and confirm along the way some of my hypotheses about life.
Here is one I’m confirming. I consider feelings to be the most influential factor in determining what behavioral choices we make. And here I am going up and down, left and right, adjusting to the election, adjusting to a transition, Covid what? My guard is down. There’s no better time to watch what determines my behavior. (2)
Back to my process. I’m a storm of feelings inside. I have this image of a sailor manning the rudder on a frigate in a storm.
What better time to observe our automatic behavior than when we’re hitting the roof one moment and the floor the next?
I’m listening in on the inner conversation and it goes something like this:
“I’m angry. I don’t like having my daily routine be so unpredictable. I forget enough as it is. I don’t like this uproar called an election. All these meetings. It’s all too busy. Stop texting me. I’m writing.”
Stop the camera. If anyone chanced upon me as I am now, I might respond to these feelings of anger by projecting them onto that other person – making them to blame, when I was angry to begin with. It had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.
It’s the feeling – anger – that I’m responding to. The feeling is the most influential factor in how I respond. And only a time of creative chaos, heightened turmoil, would allow me to really see it. These hidden determinants of behavior then come into stark relief.
You remember that the Company of Heaven said all kinds of changes were possible at a time like this. I never thought I myself would go through a process that demonstrates it, but I am. A time of creative chaos is a behavioral engine and laboratory.
I don’t want to make this a long article, although I’m no longer angry; I’m excited. What I’m pointing at is what a rich time this Pause is to observe the way we have things rigged up, our numbers and rackets, our defence mechanisms, coping skills, excuses, justifications, and denials. And, once we’ve seen them, then release them. (3)
What I just said applies to people unconscious of their behavior; it doesn’t apply to people who are conscious of theirs. Once we’re conscious of our behavior, we then have the opportunity to change it. But I’d like to discuss that in a separate article.
This is the work of purification and I see it as our necessary contribution to Ascension. And, yes, it can be painful. And, yes, it’s more painful risking doing it publicly. But this is the work.
(1) See “Linda Dillon: Universal Mother Mary – My Divine Pause and the American Elections,”
(2) I’m reminded of an article I wrote in 2010: “OK, I Feel Upset. … Oh, Great!”