I’ve literally found my voice. The voice I’ve found is my caring mind or balanced adult.
I was vacuuming – as a matter of fact – and I did something “wrong.” Immediately my wounded child felt dejected, collapsing a number of memories into simply giving up. Whoa! That was a quick mood switch! I was clearly triggered.
When I looked into it, I saw that at some point in my life I had given up on anything meaningful happening in my family, as long as it was dominated by Dad.
I gave up thinking that I had anything meaningful to contribute that anyone would be interested in or listen to. What’s the use? It’s in a constant state of uproar, seen from my vantage point.
And now this new faculty has been recently activated or triggered. I now hear the voice of a balanced adult saying “I care about you, wounded child.” And I feel the compassion. This is very, very new to me.
A figment of my imagination? Of course it is. But, after all, I have to live in this inner environment. It’s all a figment of my imagination, including you. And, as long as I live in it, it isn’t pleasant sharing the bed with a critical parent and a wounded child.
Previously I’ve done everything I could to keep them out of my awareness, simultaneosly acting them out as scripts and records (vasanas, core issues) and thinking that nobody saw me. But now I see these states of mind and hear them clearly, as they compete for my attention. I see them. I need no outside verification now.
I’ve now found the part of me that can respond genuinely to their requests for my attention. Again this is like a first meeting.
This balanced adult in me feels compassionately for the suffering that both of my other ego states have been subject to.
But, acting as an independent adult, I can now release my attachment to them.
I no longer agree to lower my vibration to meet up with them. I say: Thank you for your service, but I no longer want to be responsible for your welfare. You’ll have to raise your vibration now if you want us to talk.
Recently I experienced happiness for the first time in known memory. I realize now that happiness is what I want (the spiritual currency I want to be paid in). And love. And bliss.
I want what the higher dimensions have to offer. I’m going forward.