Credit: Ute Possega Rudel
I haven’t been in an encounter group in decades.
But the work I’m doing with myself to transition from sad to glad requires me to “work out” with myself now, rather than wait for occasions to work out with others.
Journalling is a part of working out. This is both an Ascension journal (psychological) and an Ascension ethnography (anthropological).
If human life is mostly about how we feel, then I give what Eric Berne called my “Adult” state of consciousness the job of regulating how I feel. (1)
Some might say “Higher Self”; others, their Stranger, conscience, inner guide. It’s whatever guides us along more elevated ways than whatever it is we’re doing at the moment.
I assign to it the task of watching over how I feel and regulating things if I look like I’m going to take a dive.
It simplifies things to recognize how important to my well-being the way I feel is.
I know what to focus on, just not how to regulate it.
I imagine the first thing to do is to see if there’s anything I’m facing that’s more important than the way I feel. Do I have any competing agendas or conflicts of interest that would cause me to fail?
I mean that as an honest question and only want an honest answer.
I’ve never considered the matter before. Unconsciously I’ve usually opted to go with the way I feel.
However eight years on the Immigration and Refugee Board hearing refugee claims has persuaded me to overlook my emotional responses in favor of what’s impartial, fair, and just when the occasion demands it.
So I can discern when it’s time not to go with my feelings.
I think I fail in the area of stopping myself from going with my negative feelings. I’m not as practiced in taking personal responsibility as I’ll soon need to be. Still very much the scrapper.
Otherwise, I tend to favor going with my feelings.
I have the advantage of knowing what higher-dimensional love and bliss feel like. I’m not sure I’d be saying this if I had not had that experience. (2)
That explains why I’d choose to go with the feelings of love and bliss. Nothing else matches my attraction and attachment to those two.
I’m not talking about going with depressing feelings like jealousy or rage. That’s the sad and mad side of life. I’d process those as vasanas.
I’m talking about the glad side – for a change. The troll under the bridge discovers love and laughter.
I’m asking my Adult, my Higher Self, to adjust whatever needs to be adjusted in me to allow me to remain in the higher-dimensional feelings of love and bliss as much as I possibly can.
I task him to keep bringing me reminders of love and bliss and guide me back to them when I wander.
I’m clear that ny Adult and Child states of consciousness are both parts of me. No matter which is operative, I’m still operative and 100% responsible.
Footnotes
(1) Eric Berne Games People Play. 1964.
(2) The year 2015 was spent in and out of the space of higher-dimensional love and bliss. Life-changing.