I’m observing myself and, as I do, I notice one persistent and common thread.
That thread is that I view life as one learning experience after another. I’m constantly rewarded from an experience by what I’ve learned.
Here’s an example.
I’m a perpetual student and I’ve always seen my life as a workshop. I used to run experiments often. What did it feel like to do this? Where did I end up doing that?
In the past week, the big event I watched was me taking charge of myself. I recognized what being monarch in my own domain means. I took charge of my body and mind, heart and soul, and energy field. I took 100% responsibility for what comes next.
Taking full responsibility for myself and the Commander appearing does not have a shelf life. We have to keep doing it again and again and again. It lives for as long as we continue to take responsibility. The moment we cease being in that space, it no longer exists. It’s a constant creation or nothing.
No sooner did I do it then I found myself in a state of realization. And I recognized the space. If I were at Cold Mountain right now, I’d say I just “arrived.” (1)
That which arrived is different from that which took command. All of them are different “I” states.
There is the Commander-in-Chief, the monarch, who took 100% responsibility for me, the actor.
There is the Spirit, the Presence that came into the Commander when it became clear and certain that I had taken 100% control of me. Not like I felt I had to take 100% control. It was an experiment.
I noticed I was “absent” from playing a commanding role in my life and I took charge of my life. Until then, I’d been on automatic pilot, cruising through life.
Having taken charge of my own domain, another “I” showed up. I got present. I arrived on the scene after a long absence.
The “I” that showed up was a higher Self than is normally present – that’s as specific as I can get.
It was the spirit motivator of behavior. It’s what people are pointing at when they say “he found his voice” or “she is self-possessed.” Some new vista opened up. I awoke from the slumber I’d been in and took over the wheel again.
I offer this “work out” in the workshop that my life is as a typical learning experience. It’s the kind I see my life as being composed of. What did I learn?
I learned that I as a presence will only show up in a space of 100% personal responsibility.
Learning that is to me what making a massive profit on the stock market might be to some people. Or winning a two-week vacation in the Bahamas.
I feel enriched, expanded, and happy.
(1) Cold Mountain Institute, growth center in the Seventies, now called Hollyhock. I took a three-month encounter group there.
(2) In 1977 I woke up in a lucid dream, watching two men on the other side threaten a friend of mine. I could do nothing to intervene and I was wailing away.
To feel distress on any plane automatically pulls you to a lower plane. For me that lower plane was the sleeping body.
I the spirit slipped back into the body, wondered where I was, realized I was inside my body, slowly transferred my consciousness to the outside and clearly saw that I was not the body.
With that realization, the fear of death departed.