Est Trainer Dennis Percy points out that “what you won’t communicate runs you.” (1)
As Hal Isen put it: “That stuff you’re withholding? That’s what your life becomes [about]. You construct your life around hiding.” (2)
There’s a popular saying that having no secrets makes life easier because it means having nothing to remember. It makes it easier becaase our mind isn’t all the time signalling, “Eeek, don’t say that! Don’t disclose that! Don’t go there!” It also makes life easier because our bodies are not tightening or clenching themselves the moment we get near forbidden territory.
I’m finding that, now, I wish I could say: “I’m sorry. I have as many secrets as I can possibly carry. I can’t carry any more. This shop is now closed.”
But I cannot. If anything I am (and we are) going to be implicated in more and more secrets the higher up the cosmic totem pole I (or we) go as a leader. I have to either give up the vaunted completeness of experience that comes from having no secrets or leave my lightwork and become a private citizen again, so to speak.
Being willing to keep secrets allows one access to information that makes one’s job easier.
Other secrets are more important than that. They make one’s job possible.
Still others allow another person to be able to unburden themselves to us, freeing themselves from something they can only discover through venting or telling their own secrets or stories to another. Therapeutic listening is about hearing these secrets.
Sometimes spoken or unspoken treaties are maintained as long as people keep each other’s secrets. When one divulges another’s, a war may ensue in which each side reveals more and more of the other’s deep, dark secrets until one withdraws, calls it quits, or takes some other situation- or life-altering action.
Of such stuff is the National Enquirer made. Who’s sexually cheating on whom is probably the largest category of secrets among people of fame.
The Illuminati’s secrets are pouring out these days. Why the Haiti earthquake was caused has been a big one lately. Why Presidents Bush Sr, and Clinton rushed to Haiti so soon after it. What determined the nature of the rescue efforts or lack thereof, etc. All of it was about the heist of money or other assets and resources.
Our appetite for secrets can be finally satisfied. As long as it’s unsatisfied, we hunger to hear them and thrill at what we learn. Secrets and sex are both social areas that are heavily laden with taboos. Breaking taboos can be exciting, thrilling, and pleasurable exactly because sharing them is illicit, often seen as naughty, and therefore titillating.
Once our appetite for secrets is satisfied, we feel like vomiting if we hear another. The gossip rags have to know when to reveal and when to stop if they don’t wish to destroy their self-projected image of public service and be seen instead as provocative and eager purveyors of someone else’s dirt.
This is a world that, because of my core issues around secrecy, I never wanted to enter. And now here I am, embedded in it. I say it’s in the name of public service, but am I fooling myself? When one goes further and further into being what Conrad called a “secret sharer,” one loses the awareness necessary to see whether what one’s doing is vital and necessary or not.
The Catch 22 in losing one’s awareness to secrets is that one does not feel the process happening. One can wake up and notice how much awareness one lost, but one does not notice it as it gradually and increasingly disappears. We notice increasing awareness but we don’t notice decreasing awareness.
I can only go by the feeling of trust I have for, in my case, Archangel Michael. I operate on the trust that he wants or needs me to know the things he’s communicating and that my not communicating them serves the public good. I also trust that he knows I lose awareness the more secrets I hold and that that also serves the public good.
So far I’m convinced that I’m serving the Divine Mother’s Plan by keeping them but at some point I may go back to the life I led before these times, of as much transparency as I could possibly engender, keeping as few secrets as is humanly and lovingly possible.
This could be seen as a lightworker’s lament or it could be seen as a typical human-growth puzzle that confronts everyone who consents to lead. Apparently, I consented to lead eons ago and so this becomes simply another aspect of the job, something to be figured out while in process. There are no leisurely train stops any more.
But it’s an aspect that’s particularly important to me because I spent perhaps thirty years of my life in workshops struggling to get clear of and complete with secrets, only now to enter into life’s real work and spend the next possibly thirty years entering further and further into the very territory I left behind – the realm of secrets.
(1) est Trainer Candidate Dennis Percy, 29 Sept. 1980.
(2) est Trainer Hal Isen, Six Day Course, 16 Nov. 1980.