When Robin Burton shared her journey from ball gowns to spiritual openings, I asked her if she’d write a synopsis of her journey for the blog, accentuating a woman’s experience. She kindly obliged.
I’ve been inspired by Steve to share my experience of the ascension process as whole-heartedly as he has as a ‘Male,’ from a ‘Female’ perspective.
Quite some time ago Steve extended the invitation for a woman to come forward with her voice. My Being really wanted to respond to the call, but my Persona (1) was afraid.
Lately Steve’s writings have been tugging my heart strings, and I could no longer deny the urgent prodding of my soul to rise up, find my voice, and make a contribution.
Pondering the process of ascension, it’s challenging to come up with a date when it ‘started’ for me. Many instances come to mind, but I can’t pin point it exactly.
Perhaps like you, upon reflection, it becomes clear there was always a feeling of being “Different,” as well as an underlying sense of division between the truth of my Being and the Persona I took on to get along in the world.
There have been many Roles my Persona played, and she was an Amazing Actress. She upstaged my Being, and I was lost.
Once my Being came to life, I lost everything I had previously identified myself with on the course to discovering who I really am.
I am ready to Be All That I AM!
That includes sharing my experiences honestly, good, bad, and ugly, and doing so using my Real Name!
A few weeks ago I read one of Steve’s posts and was compelled to send my comments of appreciation.
It was as if another person took over and began typing, suggesting I felt called to be the female voice in this process.
Honestly, it was freaky.
There was a physical sensation of pulling back, while another part of me (my Energy Body, most surely) typed the words, and my mind was screaming, “NO,” insisting if I really had to do this, I use a different name!
That pretty much sums up my early experiences of ‘ascension.’
My heart and soul drew me to a variety of workshops that were of a “Spiritual” nature as early as the late 80’s, but my mind was all about creating the perfect body vehicle to land the perfect man, and the spiritual and material did not seem to get along in my world.
It is clear now how much I was in conflict, and how painful that conflict really was.
By the year 2000 I was living the dream. I owned a condominium in La Jolla, California, ran a successful Pilates Studio, had the perfect Barbie Body, drove a Red Convertible, and my closet contained no fewer than 13 Ball Gowns I had every opportunity to wear at the many A-List parties I was privileged to attend.
That privilege came with a price, for sure.
On a particular occasion of an exclusive yacht party I called to ask the host if I could bring a friend.
He said, “You know the rules. She’s pretty, right?”
It reminded me of the time I wanted to hire a talented amazing beautiful instructor for a water aerobics class when I was the Health and Fitness Director of the Kona Kai Club.
She was perhaps 20 pounds over the San Diego Ideal Weight, and I was told I could not hire her.
There were many similar ‘events’ in my superficial life.
Many times I denied what my heart and soul felt was right or wrong, and went along with what was asked of me in order to fit in.
It appeared I did a pretty good job until the year 2000, when I read a book that was really a 40 Day and 40 Night Workshop in Disguise, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, by Iyanla Vanzant.
I resisted at first, buying no less than at least three copies and giving them away because there was a commitment required.
A commitment for 40 days: first thing in the morning to read a particular section; answer questions; note a response; re-read the section last thing at night; read the answers and the response; then reflect upon and note the sum of its effect on my day, and what was learned. 40 DAYS!!
Some days my first client was at 6:15 AM!! I had to walk my dog for Pete’s sake, how could I possibly get up early enough to spend 20-30 minutes dedicated to opening my soul?
Eventually the day came when there was ultimately no choice…
I was leaving my place of business and found myself asking, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I not happy?”
My soul responded, “It’s because you’ve lived your life, and done everything, for how it appears on the outside.”
That was it!
I cracked the cover and committed to the 40 Days.
My soul opened up, and it was the end of the life I knew, and the start of a new beginning. It’s been 15 years.
Today finds me here with you. I’m now willing to share my imperfection in this process we call ‘ascension,’ discovering the Divine Perfection that is our True Nature.
Robin’s initial email is also revealing. I reproduce it here:
I lost my healing business when the market collapsed in 2008, though I gutted through to 2009. I was exhausted and just wanted to ‘get a job.’
I had NO IDEA how Abusive Employers had become. I refused any job that required me to lie. I had a complete and total meltdown (that had been building since the 2000 election – first time I voted, followed shortly by 9/11). I got ‘let go’ from the one job I did manage to get because I wouldn’t lie or mislead.
THANK GOD and ALL MY ANGELS for getting me disability so promptly it can be seen as Nothing Short of a MIRACLE. Like you, I cannot be bought. I am starting to feel like I need to be the Female Voice going through this process, and I am saying that now, though fear wants to hold me back. I actually cannot believe I am typing these words, and yet I continue.
We could use all the female voices who want to come forward, Robin. Thank you for being so brave!
(1) Called on this blog the “constructed self” or mask.