This kind of personally-transparent discussion that we’re having would have been quite common in the growth movement years ago. As such it not only comes easily to me; I hunger for it.
Personal transparency was highly valued then. The person who could be more transparent than the rest was respected for pushing the frontiers of the permissible forward, in a time when the mass of society was heavily suppressed.
For decades now we’ve retreated from “telling it like it is” and become more guarded in our communication. The result is the loss of a great deal of knowledge that requires constant polishing to retain its burnish.
What I’m doing at this moment is taking advantage of AAM raising all my core issues to deconstruct my constructed self. The house that Steve built. The house that we all build as socialized, acculturated, conditioned members of our families and society.
We’ve been told repeatedly that we cannot take anything false or illusory with us. (1) The image we present to others is a creation of thought and not truly us. Therefore, we won’t be able to take our constructed image of ourselves into the higher dimensions where only truth reigns.
Doubtless I’m a guinea pig, a test rat for this controlled demolition of a constructed self. That was the contract.
So it isn’t a case of turning lemons into lemonade. This deconstruction of the constructed self, this demolition of the house that Steve built is what I came here to do.
Let me begin. The discovery, which others have been telling me for years and I just couldn’t “get” (2) – that I’ve become my Dad – could prove the critical factor in tearing down the house that Steve built prior to moving on to a less confining, much roomier mansion. To know whether it is or not, I’d have to investigate.
I’ve always allowed the sense that I felt justified to hide from me the fact that what I was doing was aggressive, controlling, and ultimately demeaning.
The quandary I faced is that those are the only pictures of intimate/family relating that I have in my head. Those were the pictures I took when I was young and there’s no other book or film in my memory banks.
I wrestled with the quandary I faced for quite a while. I knew not what to do.
And then I felt a wave of unconditional love come up in me. I’m sure I was being helped to find the answer.
Just as when I pulled the arrows of resentment out of myself and the need for forgiveness disappeared, so here too once the wave of unconditional love hit me, I had no more memory of what it was I was doing or needed to do around the counterproductive ways of being I have, inherited from the paternal line.
Even the notion of living in a conceptual house or constructed self disappeared completely from my mind, effaced by the wave of unconditional love.
It became crystal clear to me that love is indeed the answer to it all. All dilemmas evaporate when one is overtaken by unconditional love.
But then the wave of unconditional love passes and we’re back again in everyday consciousness. So I’d better make a note to myself while I see these things to make sure I correct some of the errors I’m making.
I surrender all feelings, ideas and beliefs that go with my childhood movies of family life to the Divine Mother for incineration.
I send off to her my tendency to get frustrated when I encounter an obstacle. Frustration is one excuse I use to trigger my resort to Dad’s ways.
I send off to the Divine Mother my belief that under circumstances of hurt or threat it’s alright to get irritated and even mad at another person. It isn’t. It can be justified, but it isn’t alright.
I send off to her my self-righteousness that renders me right in every situation and fixes my attention on myself excessively.
I send off to her my willingness to write people off, my lack of compassion for the predicament of another, and my judgmentalness and just pure snootiness.
I send off to her my tolerance for the superficiality that results from my living life this way. There’s none of that [“F” word] in there. (3)
I apply the torch of the violet flame to the house that Steve built. I love it, forgive it, experience everything associated with it through to completion, and then let it go.
I was mistaken on so many counts. I apologize to all I vexed and harmed, known and unknown, intentionally and unintentionally – alive and dead.
The Arcturian Group said recently.
“As an individual begins to evolve and grow more deeply into a consciousness of Truth , his mind becomes increasingly unconditioned and begins to replace the previous human thinking, plotting, planning mind steeped in concepts about everything.” (4)
I certainly hope so.
And Saul said not long ago: “Every sentient being is perfect unconditional love.” (5) I’m convinced he’s right.
I accept the challenge that Sue Lie’s Arcturians held out to us:
“That feeling of unconditional love is something that does not arise from the physical plane at all. It is something that each and every one of our ascending ones must find within themselves; [they] must have that dedication to move up that ladder.” (6)
I also accept Archangel Michael’s challenge to have f… f… fun.
I understand what motivated my Dad because I can see in my own life what motivated me to become like him. Knowing his Father (my Grandfather) and their history together, I can appreciate why he became the way he did, how he did not understand what was happening to him, and how unhappy and bereft of love he must have felt.
I bow before my Dad and appreciate his struggle. It’s my struggle as well. We now have our first piece of common ground together, a basis to work together some day.
I feel release from the constant resistance, resentment and revenge that I felt towards you, Dad. And unconditional love is rushing in to fill the void.
Footnotes
(1) “Dear Ones … it may be hard to do, but you must start unloading your ‘baggage’ as you cannot take it with you into the higher realms.” (SaLuSa, December 27, 2013.)
Of course, saying that we cannot take our illusions with us is a relative statement since everything about us is illusory. Only God is real and anything that shows up as separate from God in any way is illusory.
Even the Atman, Self or Christ is ultimately illusory and bends the knee to God. Paul describes that process of final enlightenment in which the Father and Son, Brahman and Atman, or All-Self and Self are seen to be ultimately one and the Atman is surrendered into God:
“Then cometh the end, when he shall have delivered up the kingdom to God, even the Father; when he shall have put down all rule and all authority and power.
“… And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all.” (St. Paul in I Corinthians 15:24 and 28.)
One could see the “end” that cometh as Ascension or simply as the “final” enlightenment, sahaja samadhi, in which all separation ends forever in a permanent heart opening.
(2) Have it be up to realized knowledge.
(3) Archangel Michael: Now I am going to use the F word… Fun! (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow, Feb. 20, 2015.)
(4) Arcturian Group, Feb. 1, 2015, at https://www.onenessofall.com/.
(5) Saul, Feb. 3, 2010, at https://johnsmallman.wordpress.com.
(6) “Suzanne Lie and the Arcturians on Heavenly Blessings,” July 2, 2013, Part 2/3 at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2013/07/05/suzanne-lie-and-the-arcturians-on-heavenly-blessings-july-2-2013