“Howard Beale” (Peter Finch) in Network: “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!”
Perhaps many of us remember the scene in the movie Network where Howard Beale says that he’s mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it any more.
Well, I declare that I’m mad as hell at myself for playing as small as I have and am not going to take it from myself any more either.
I’m mad at myself for waiting three years for the arrival of Pre-NESARAS funds first and now for the arrival of the Reval, without really getting to work. I’m mad at myself for postponing all that time global work to end the world’s unworkability. I’m mad at myself for waiting for someone else to lead.
Tomorrow all that ends. I’ll be calling for the end of a piece of the world’s unworkabilty. That finishes forever my playing as small as I’ve been. I apologize to all who were present at the noisy birth of this resolve in myself, which may have hurt and been hard to take.
Anger rose in me at myself for playing as small as I am. I could not stand myself for not taking on something large enough that it invoked me.
My anger jettisoned me from a position of playing small, to a position of playing large, resolved to take action on a global scale, instead of just remaining angry at the state of my world.
I don’t recommend using anger to propel yourself to a higher level of commitment. It leaves a lot of hurt and karma. My days of using anger to break my bonds are over.
We’ve been dumbed down in so many ways, through food additives, chemtrails, and subliminal TV messages and our fears have been played upon by weather warfare, regional conflict, police states, secret surveillance, planned unemployment, a debt-based economy, the ending of pension plans, benefit plans, etc. I do understand that.
But even if I am dumbed down and holding back, I cannot live in this state of paralysis any more.
I refuse to be afraid of looking stupid, seeming grandiose, or losing friends. I won’t be swayed by how many readers read the blog or leave the blog.
I will not be dissuaded by considerations of prudence or fears for the future. I will no longer tolerate in myself watching this planet suffer the way it does without my taking action.
I will not be dissuaded by threats or actions taken by people who’ve in the past wanted to keep humanity in subjugation, debt and want. I declare the injustice of these actions and I will no longer abide them. I invite anyone who has acted that way to lay aside their plans and join me in what I propose tomorrow.
I’m not interested in blaming anyone, creating more unworkability by my actions, or targeting any group that may have, wittingly or unwittingly, contributed to the vast suffering that exists in our world today. I target only the conditions of unworkability themselves.
I do not accept that we don’t have the solutions or the means at hand to transform this world. We do and it’s time for me – and for all of us, I think – to take committed action.
When we commit ourselves to a global action, whatever that goal may be, while we’re initially the source and cause of it, within moments we can scare the wits out of ourselves at our own seeming audacity and bravado.
I may go crazy for a while out of being this audacious myself. But the prospect of playing small in my world even a day longer while people are hurting and dying from persecution, poverty and hunger – to choose from a longer list) is no longer an option. Hence I am angry at myself for each day that passes while I wait and remain idle.
Yesterday was the last day of my life on which I allowed myself to play small. I will grow in ways I need to grow, open to love, and committed to global workability.