We will be the story tellers of the Universe
because everyone wants to know
what was it like being human
living in forgetfulness
and having to struggle from total darkness
to the light.
~ Anakhanda Shaka Mushaba
I wasn’t familiar with the word “Light” for two thirds of my life. Not as it applied to myself and assuredly not as it applied to “Cosmic Light.” Nevertheless, I have been on the path of Light for almost 50 years. I just didn’t know it.
Very early in my childhood I shut off. There was too much emotional turmoil for me to handle and no one to help me through it, so I did what most children do in intense, abusive environments: I split off from myself in order to survive. I couldn’t allow myself to see or feel what I was surrounded with, so I stopped seeing and feeling.
Then I created an “I’m fine” character, like a wooden Pinocchio. I looked like I was alive, I sounded like I was alive, but I was dead as wood inside, marionetting my way through school, family, relationships and jobs. Love couldn’t get in and there was no love to give out.
Being dead within works well for a child as a survival mechanism, but its disastrous for making a life. Once I began to heal, I discovered I was so full of sadness that I cried for decades.
I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by exceptional Life teachers, healers and friends. And I’ve been incredibly lucky to have books literally fall into my lap at the exact moment I needed to read them. My life path is the living example of “When the student is ready the teacher appears.” For that has been the case since I was born.
My journey to Light has taken two distinct phases: The first going within psychologically and emotionally to heal wounds and traumas. The second, going within Spiritually to find Cosmic Light. And in that order, which was fortunate for me and actually, outlined as a way in the Bible:
“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar,
and there remember that your brother has something against you
leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.
First be reconciled to your brother,
and then come and offer your gift.”
~ Matthew 5: 23, 24
I take that to mean, first, clear your inner channel (as much as you can) of personal problems: Resentments, hurts, bitterness, trauma, etc. And then, when you’re clear of that, or at least clear of levels of that, you can meditate and dive into Cosmic Light within and without.
It makes sense. If you’re angry, meditation is out of the question. If you “hate” someone, you can’t just ignore it or turn it into a prayer like, “Please destroy this person.” No! Light is Love.
One of the blessings coming from a family wracked with mental illness and addiction is that asking for help was commonplace and not frowned upon. I’m deeply grateful for that. In my family, going to a therapist was as normal as going to the grocery store.
I have passionately sought “Mental Health” all my life. But “Mental Health” is still, unbelievably, a taboo subject in 2018. Most people still won’t even discuss it and frown upon those who need “help” or “rehab,” who grapple with addiction, or bi-polar, or whatever else. The truth is we ALL have emotional issues and deserve compassion. The fact is not everyone is willing to admit it or face it.
And it makes sense that there would be “disapproval” in a dark world for Mental Health. God forbid Humanity heals itself. Then it becomes too formidable to control by the dark powers that were. If you are a Humanity that knows itself as Divine Light, you cannot be controlled.
Much effort by the dark overlords has been put into making Humanity forget its true Multi-Dimensional Light Self, and that it is One with All There Is. “Divide and conquer” was the dark method in all areas: Religion, Health, Business, Finance, the Arts, Science, Media, Politics, etc. And that method has worked very well for darkness for thousands of years.
However, it is my opinion, that the slow disintegration of the dark Third Dimensional world that we are currently witnessing, is the direct result of Humanity “waking up” to itself as Light. And we are doing that by “healing within.”
This world has been blessed by the appearance of Masters from time to time who deliver timely messages that uplift the masses: Buddha with compassion. Jesus with love, Yogananda with meditation, etc.
But also impactful, were the studies of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud circa 1875. That blew the whole healing Humanity process wide open. We learned from them that we had an “emotional within” and that the Health of our “psychological within” was essential for a happy life.
I came from a family that convinced me I deserved nothing. In their defense, they were sick, but for many years, I believed them. So I lived repelling goodness in any form because I couldn’t conceive of my worthiness to receive it.
Wonder Woman has wristlets that repel Evil, but I lived as though I had wristlets that repelled Good. Anything good that came my way, I instantly rejected. By shutting myself down to survive, I built myself a personal Bizarro World. Everything was upside down. Good was bad. Wrong was right. Cruelty was Kind. Insane was Normal. Hate was Love—this was not happiness.
I remember reading a sentence from a Louise Hay book early in my Light-path that utterly shocked me. It was so revolutionary, I actually ducked my head fearing someone might see me read it. Hay wrote, “We are not here to survive. We are here to thrive.”
I couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t be talking about me? Everyone else deserves to thrive, but not me. I felt I had just read Karl Marx, it was that shattering to my Bizarro World. In that lightless world, Lack was Plenty, so any hint of cornucopia was not for me.
But the Divine Hand had other plans for me, and I have been led, as on a Hansel and Gretel-like path. Instead of following white pebbles or bread crumbs, I have been following Cosmic crumbs to Light.