None of it seems to fit a pattern. It hasn’t even related to perceived wounding of any sort…just the odd and unexpected and perhaps even whimsical thought passing through reflecting a past event.
I’ve wondered at that and I’ll usually speak it aloud, whatever the memory was, along with a comment about how weird it is to be thinking of [whatever] again.
That is, until yesterday in the car on our way to a meeting.
I wondered out loud if my ex had become a better husband as a result of our marriage breaking up. My daughter immediately recounted all the reasons why she felt he was indeed much better, more attentive and more mindful in his new relationship.
Now, it’s been quite a while since any negative emotion around that relationship came up, so I was surprised at the profound sadness I started to feel. I didn’t want to go in to the meeting with a blotchy face, so I breathed through it and allowed the feelings to wash over me for processing later.
Earlier in that same day, my daughter and I had a “thing” that left us both feeling raw and cranky. We made peace before leaving the house but the energy of all that stayed with me.
I’ve spoken since to friends who’ve also been experiencing both unexpected and intense emotions. It isn’t such a mystery though because right now, the energies we’re being bathed in are both inescapable and working for our collective benefit.
It may not feel especially beneficial, but doesn’t it make sense that any residual hurts that we carry would need to be ferreted out so we can finally just let them go?
I’ll say thank you for that! These energies are like hydrogen peroxide to us, forcing any impurities we might still be carrying up to the surface for a final farewell.
I’ve had a vision of the Lunar eclipse (on August 7/8) appearing as a blow torch on a painted surface, followed by the Solar one on the 21st showing up as a big old cleansing wash right across our beleaguered county.
Over these next action-packed weeks, I intend on being as nice to myself as I can manage. That includes not judging any uncharitable thoughts I might have and allowing myself to experience whatever feelings come up. This is what clearing looks like, eh? Breathe, relax, allow, trust…
It isn’t helpful at this time to berate ourselves for what emotions arise, because all of it has Sacred Purpose. I’m writing myself a big, fat permission slip to rage on if that’s what comes.
Or to cry it out when contemplating the times when my actions may have hurt someone else. The point is to let the feelings flow, be available to the experience and to trust that it’s all part of our evolution.