What does it feel like to be in the untransformed space after having been in the transformed space a few times?
Before I go there, allow me to say that we tend to focus all our attention on the high spaces. Recently I met a person who “only” wanted to remain in the higher-dimensional spaces and would not associate with people who brought him down. As a lightworker, I don’t regard myself as having that luxury. I’m obliged to work with Third-Dimensional people right up till the end (whatever “the end” proves to be).
The best I can hope for is to be in the transformed space, but not to escape mixing and working with those who aren’t.
The characteristic I notice most readily when not in the transformed space is the worry. I went to bed early last night and was awake for the next five hours and all I was doing was worrying. When you’re a public figure, answering a river of emails every day, each word that you say could trigger someone – and some words do.
Moreover, when you’re in that position, and especially if you plan to be a financial wayshower, there’s a multitude of additional worries. So this endless wheel of concern was what I noticed first. Worry does not survive into the transformed space. Or, put more properly, the bliss drowns worry out completely.
The thing I noticed second was the impact of all the pressures on me – pressures of schedules, upcoming events, personnel coming and going, friends wanting contact.
The third thing I noticed was reactivation. Some people say things to me that start my vasanas blaring, never mind theirs. I’m a figure of the dark, one person says. (How do you answer that?) I’m an imbecile, lack discernment, failed to answer an email from a year ago, said something in 2012 that irked someone, on and on the battering can go.
I had a boss who used to say that, as long as the “yays” and the “nays” balanced, he’s doing his job. I’ve never achieved that degree of equanimity.
At least not in the space of unconscious awareness vs. conscious awareness, ordinary love vs. transformative love.
What’s the impact of these 3D/4D pressures on me as a person? I think we’re usually most impacted by our feelings so let me describe those first.
Overwhelmingly, in this space, I feel dismay. I couldn’t exactly give you a description of dismay; all I know is that, when I use that word to describe this feeling state, there’s a feeling of resonance that indicates I’ve just told the truth. I suspect that that feeling comes from my Higher Self, my guides or another source.
Having identified the feeling and allowing myself to experience it, I should report that the feeling of dismay just disappeared. (Telling the truth has set me free.)
I’m now back in the transformed space.
I’ll be darned.
Not like I expected this or aimed for it. I did not. In fact I wanted to track and map the untransformed space. But I won’t say “no.” It’s a relief to be here again.
Nonetheless, I can no longer describe the feeling of dismay because I’m not feeling it. I can’t get in touch with it any more.
This is an example of processing the residue from vasanas propelling me into the transformed space. It’s also an example of telling the truth propelling me into it.
Learning, learning, learning.