I said that, when things begin to open up financially, people’s money vasanas would begin to go off. Little did I think they’d be mine.
My vasanas are going off like a raging inferno.
I know where they hale from. In my mind’s eye, I’m looking at my very wealthy Grandfather at Ruby Foo’s Restaurant in Montreal in 1953. He’s arranged to be the last man to leave the table. Come to think of it, he was always the last man to leave the table. As he passes the table, he pockets the tip.
The sight of that was so shocking to me, even at age seven, that I never forgot it. Even then, I knew that that was not the right thing to do.
But it captured the way I saw him.I hasten to add that what follows is not “the truth.” It may be the emotional truth – that is, how I felt about things. It certainly was my view of the matter and determined the way I responded to things. But it isn’t the truth of the situation.
I viewed my Grandfather as a true skinflint in every sense of the word. I considered him a meddling, old Ebenezer Scrooge. He had money for you if he liked you, I’d say, and not a dime if he didn’t. The worst kind of wealthy person, in my eyes.
And now here I am trying to sell this view to you. This I’d have called, years ago, a “howdido” conversation (How did I do, in this case, with my Grandfather).
This view is the imaginary source (since it’s all imaginary, anyways – I made it all up in my mind) of my vasana.
Nowadays, when I meet someone I consider to be ungenerous, afraid or in lack mentality, I want to turn and run the other way (response pattern). I almost have to leave the room if I’m not to make a scene.
What I’ve just stated is the content of a vasana – incident, reaction, conclusion, decision, and response pattern. And – the most important thing – this vasana only arose after money began to be a topic of conversation behind the scenes.
So what I’m trying to do here is to warn people that new vasanas will go off in new circumstances. Sudden financial wealth will definitely trigger people’s vasanas and I use my own case as an example of what can happen.
If I were to act this vasana out (more than I already do), then I’d surround myself with only generous people and not allow the ungenerous the time of day (the reverse of my Grandfather, isn’t it?). But I know that makes no sense at all, except to the vindictive, and is in no way fulfilling my mission.
The alternative is to process it, get to the bottom of it, and discover the truth of it. The truth will set me free. Then experience to completion any remaining, unwanted emotions and let the residue go. That way I’ll be complete with it rather than stuffing it down, papering it over, or denying it.
(Or use any of the wonderful techniques now being taught. This technique is not the only one.)
I actually must complete this vasana. There’s no other choice. It cannot go forward with me or it will skew everything.
There’ll probably be other vasanas below it as well.
Who would have suspected such a strong vasana lay inside me before money became a subject? As long as the topic was not financial, I was fine. But when it came to money, strong feelings emerged. Or rather boiled over and erupted.
When it comes to domestic violence as well, strong feelings emerge. My early life history is not yet complete, evidently. And yet all of this must be gone before I’ll be of dependable use in what lies ahead.