No, I would not call this enlightenment. I would call it emergence.
I’ve released a core issue, and not just any core issue, but a key log in the logjam of my personality.
I had a hypnotherapy session with Nora Yolles-Young – via Skype. She was in Hawaii and I was in in Vancouver, I’m sure the session played a big part in it. Thank you, Nora.
I’m sure the Tsunami of Love also played a big part in it.
In the later afternoon, I had a dawning awareness that burst right through me.
I didn’t know I had this core issue until I completed it. That may be the horse before the cart, but so it was.
The issue was totally unobserved. But it was there nonetheless, influencing every thought I had, every feeling, every action.
And the core issue had a golden lining. But I get ahead of myself.
I was the runt of the litter. For the first number of years of my life, no one in the family asked for my opinion, no one welcomed it, and no one heard me.
My core issue was that I wanted to be fully self-expressed and heard.
That became the major goal of my life and I bent all my efforts to it. As the twig inclined, so grew the tree.
Why else would I emphasize communication and listening as much as I do?
I’m not unconscious of the relevance of the issue, goal and journey to my mission. I simply had never seen it. Or, if I had, I didn’t realize the extent of the issue.
I wrote article after article, book after book, for what seems most of my adult life. I’d always thought I was driven to write because my Dad called me a lazy, no-good good-for-nothing. I’d show him. I’d become a top producer.
That was a contributing factor but not the whole story. Feeling fully self-expressed and being heard were the full story.
With your support and encouragement, I swung out on the skinny branches of public transparency. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. The branches were too skinny and the footholds too few.
How is your support visible? In many ways. The blog approaches 2 million hits over its lifetime. It receives somewhere around 40,000 hits a day. Your letters demonstrate your support. Those are indications of support.
Leaving aside everyone else on the blog, who make vast contributions, and remaining only with myself for the moment (which I do for the sake of focusing in), with your encouragement, I pushed through the last few feet and emerged from striving to reach my chosen goal.
This is a declared state. I am fully self-expressed because I say so and know that I am.
No one knows whether I feel fully self-expressed but me. I set the goal and I alone know when I’ve achieved it. And I have.
Every core issue has a golden lining. It creates a goal, which contributes to our mission. And it leaves one with a definite skill set. The core issue is left behind but the achievement and the skill set remain.
In my case the skill set is that of a writer. In your case, the skill set may be different. But every core issue gives birth to a skill set, I believe.
Where does all this leave me? Feeling special? No. It leaves me feeling normal after most of my life feeling aggrieved, out of sorts, driven.
I’m no longer driven. I’m free of that.
What a long, hard journey it’s been to reach this point! I can relax. I can be conscious. I can get along with people. (!!)
That means a lot less wear and tear on my friends. Thank you for being so patient!
It doesn’t mean I go on vacation. I still serve. But it does mean that I serve gladly and not to the exclusion of all else. I don’t serve because I have to, because I’m driven to. I serve because I choose to, because I want to.
Normalcy is freedom and freedom is normalcy. May the whole world feel as free and normal as I do now.
Let freedom be the norm. Freedom from our core issues. There is no other kind of freedom for me.
Mrs. Beckow’s little boy, Stephen, has becum a writer. (Just kidding.)
I am free.