(1) My task is to go through Ascension publicly, in step with everybody,
(2) Some other “first wavers” have already gone through the Ascension portal, as we discussed yesterday, (1)
(3) Mass, physical Ascension is more a process than a snap,
I’d like to map out more of the journey I’ve just completed as we move along the Ascension path, that event itself being not too far off. And I do so in the hope that it proves useful to you.
I’ve just been assisted to drop many of my major core issues and exit a fair amount of the constructed self, allegedly permanently.
I say “many,” “fair amount,” and “allegedly permanently” because I’ve no idea whether some core issues remain and it’s probably safer to assume they do than not.
So how now, my love? What is life like having had my “System Restore,” having dropped a significant portion of my life memory of traumatic events?
Well, the first taste of it was exhilarating. The incredible lightness of being was apparent. I danced, shouted “Whoopeee!”, and admired myself in the etheric mirror.
As I walked down the aisle of a grocery store, I saw that the way I felt matched the look on the faces of many younger people. Does that mean I’ve now caught up with the younger generation? Does it mean that the younger generation is major-issue-free?
There’s an element of glide in my breath now that has never been there before. Why is that significant?
Well, the ease of the in-breath is one of the best ways to measure whether we’re resisting or not. If we are, our breath is labored. But, at this moment, mine is not.
There are other developments. I feel such a strong love for Archangel Michael that we joked about it in my last reading. I asked him how my secret love was and he said at last it was no secret anymore. (Anyone who grew up in the Fifties would recognize that line from the song “Once I Had a Secret Love.”)
He said that my heart was opening now (“at last my heart’s an open book,” another line from the song) and that that’s what’s happening. And here I thought it was exclusive to him.
That’s the good news. Now for the bad news.
I still feel the force of conditioning or habit patterns. I still have what years ago we’d have called “thrown” response patterns.
They go off, but now they’re like fire without fuel. Like taking a blowtorch to ashes, no flames arise. There’s no substance to them. They’re like burnt rope.
It resembles play acting, in the sense that there’s no real or actual intent in play acting and hence no real or actual energy behind it. Here there’s very brief and shallow intent but still no energy behind it.
Nonetheless, the habit patterns do invite a certain wariness, which is an artifact of the life I’ve led, even if they have no real energy behind them. It may take me some time to relax from a way of being that’s been followed for six decades.
Next came the experience of depression because I remembered all my perpetrations, all my bad behavior, all the grouchiness while I was a stimulus/response machine. All the sins of a lifetime came calling. I’m sure we all suspect that this “accounting” will happen. It was a much milder form of full-life review than the after-death variety.
What was important, and what I noticed was, that the things I saw could probably only been seen in retrospect.
For instance, the heavy, wet-blanket effect of the self-serving bias became painfully clear. And I saw that, as long as I was immersed in the self-serving bias, I probably could not see it. I have to say that I studied the self-serving bias for years and years so you’d have thought that I could spot it in myself.
How often I justified myself and made others wrong when all of us were simply trying to survive under the impact of so much skewed conditioning.
What in me I expected others to forgive, I’m not sure I forgave in others as much as I might have. Perhaps they didn’t forgive me either. I don’t know. Perhaps we’re all blind to our self-servingness.
Whether the tendency to be self-serving is too seductive to see or whether it has the effect of concealing itself because it feels so amenable, I don’t know. (Arrogance, pride vengefulness, and similar feelings also feel amenable in the moment, even though they feel awful afterwards.)
I only know that I didn’t see the extent to which I was acting self-servingly, not by a country mile, even though I have studied the subject as much as anyone on the planet (probably). But being free of the heavy load of misery of life in the old Third, I do see it now.
Tremendous regret arose and that lasted for a day, until I completed that experience as well.
I personally am greatly benefited by the transformational teachings of the est Network, one of which is that everyone is simply waiting for us to “get it” and “get off it.” They aren’t waiting to punish us or skewer us. They just want us to get it. And I did get it.
Then I started to look at what I’m left with, having now gotten my get-out-of-jail-free card, no longer a jukebox playing my top ten tunes endlessly.
Archangel Michael said in my reading May 9, 2014, and I usually think that what he says to me applies generally, that joy will increase now daily, not weekly, not monthly.
I’m so ready for that.
(1) “Earth is the Laboratory; Mass, Physical Ascension is the Experiment” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2014/05/12/earth-is-the-laboratory-mass-physical-ascension-is-the-experiment/.