But yesterday I had an experience in the middle of the day. Nothing was happening prior and nothing happened after. It lasted for a half hour and then it was gone.
However it was life-altering and a glimpse into another realm.
Describing it will be difficult but here goes. For half an hour, I felt myself with more power coming through me and passing outwards than I could possibly imagine. I became for a time a person who … well, may as well have sprung into the physique of the Hulk, I had so much energy, so much power, so much drive passing through me.
Here I was, a human dynamo and the minute I allowed this energy to flow a millimeter in any direction, it passed through the filter of my human personality and I received a rude shock.
If someone poured a cup of mud into a bowl of punch, would I drink the punch? If someone dropped a piece of soap into my Coke, would I drink the Coke?
By the same token, the pure power passing through the filter of my personality did not emerge pure. It emerged tainted by my remaining vasanas, tainted by feelings that were ten times more powerful than when I felt them ordinarily. The worst sides of me, which until now were completely hidden from me, were tremendously exaggerated, laid plain to sight, incapable of being misinterpreted.
I did not like what I saw. I considered myself somewhat, maybe a little bit, maybe a tad further down the road than that, but what I saw emerging from that filter was below my standards of good behavior, but at the same time so magnified and exaggerated that I was enabled to see it and denied any wiggle room. I did look at it and then I asked the powers that be to close the experience off.
I reached the conclusion very quickly that I’m not capable at this moment of making good use of that much power. If I had that much right now and tried to interact with it, I would probably end up perpetrating. I could not remain balanced. I would not be fast enough to stop myself from misusing it.
I would cause more mischief than good at this point in my development. If the situation were otherwise, I’d say so.
I thank the powers that be that took that experience away from me. I thank them as well for granting it to me for a brief period of time. It was enough to show me what real power was. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice got to wear the hat and watch the brooms go wild. One has to be able to handle that much juice and I’ve quite happily seen that, just like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, I’m not able.
It cured me of wanting full interdimensional restoration at this moment. I wouldn’t yet know how to make good use of it.
It cured me of wanting to be fully opened, on a sudden path.
It was like Bruce Almighty being God for a day, while God took a vacation. Thank you. I got it. Now here’s your hat back.
It absolutely reconciled me to the gradual. Fully opened me to the need to go no faster than the advisable pace. Fully had me understand what can result.
I was glad that I didn’t have to walk such an advanced path. I had no further complaints and got back to work without grousing.
I no longer wanted to go faster than was advisable. As such, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear later on that it was sent for exactly that purpose.
I got it, Lord. There’s an extreme point beyond which it isn’t prudent for me to go just yet. On balance and in retrospect, and no matter how much I’m criticized for it, I’m happy to leave the pace to you.