The Rule of Four

Some time ago I was saying that two ways of being that cut down on a lot of disputes and disagreements between lightworkers are (1) stating the status of your knowledge and (2) speaking in neutral language (sometimes also called Perro, the ancient, intergalactic diplomatic language).  (1)

Disputes and disagreements also often arise because we overlook what I call the Rule of Four.

What is the Rule of Four?

When two people are discussing doing anything together, they need to consider four perspectives and when they drop out on even one of the four, or when they don’t stand up for themselves on one of the four, bad things start to happen. They are:

(1) What I want.
(2) What I don’t want.
(3) What you want.
(4) What you don’t want.

Let’s take a really simple and mundane example. Where shall we go to eat tonight? You want Chinese food. BUT you don’t want a Chinese restaurant that uses MSG.

If we go to a Chinese restaurant, but one that uses MSG, you won’t be happy.

I’m a vegetarian (not) but I don’t want to go to a restaurant that simply takes the meat off the plate and serves me the rest – vegetables and potatoes. There has to be some interest to the meal. If we go to a Chinese restaurant that simply removes the meat from any dish and serves the rest, without having some special vegetarian plates, I won’t be happy.

Every time a decision is made, all four positions on the relationship compass need to be considered. Watch how often an argument arises because one of the four positions has not been considered.

The most common form of this argument occurs when someone simply says: “Let’s go out for Chinese tonight” and we agree without looking at the other three positions.

This was a very simple, straightforward example, but watch what happens when we begin our complex projects together if we don’t see that every decision has been considered from each of these four perspectives.


(1) On neutral language and the status of knowledge, see “Some Suggestions on Communication,” at ; “Perro: An Ancient Intergalactic Language of Diplomacy,” at ; “Four Ways to Deal with the Challenges that May Lie Ahead,” at < ;”On Joining the (Frayless) Fray, at

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