It’s Been a Long Time, My Friend

I need a rest and so I switch to awareness writing … and sharing.

In the growth movement, the agreements we had were that we stayed with ourselves, remained aware, and shared what we noticed.

With the Factory Reset, (1) I was given a clean slate.

But since then I’ve been busy rebuilding my character armor. OK, not busy. Maybe slowly, one choice at a time.

The main complaint I have – and I have built a breastplate of irritability over it – is being interrupted when I’m writing.

But even there, I’m learning to present the matter without my fangs being out. There is definite progress.

I think I’m through with anger, except for righteous anger. I define what that is, of course, and I’m as self-serving as the next guy. I accept the karmic return on whatever anger I have left. I’ve never had occasion to resort to it in years now.

I miss the (physical) fights. Or the trading of words which almost never resulted in a fight. Male posturing. All of what I’m saying is the precipitate of memory, once the highlights of my life.

I’ll give you one highlight. Once, in the face of a young gang of rowdies having entered the karate dojo, when I was responsible for dojo discipline, I executed a flying scissor kick around five feet in the air and landed in the correct stance. When I looked again, the rowdies were gone.

The other students gathered around and asked me where I’d learned that. I said I hadn’t. That was the first time I did it and I never did it again.

Nowadays, I’d say, “Michael?”

I’m musing, sorta like being on vacation on the job. When I look back on all the jobs I’ve had, I see his hand all the way through it. Selected for the refugee adjudicator job from among 500 applicants and I have no legal background. My interviewer turns out to be someone whose summer camp I worked at years before. One thing after another turned out in my favor, just like Murray said:

“Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

“All sorts of things occur to help one that would not otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man would have dreamed would come his way.

““I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

““’Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.’” (2)

Only in this case, an invisible hand was pulling the strings. Those years were preparation.

Whereas I was clearly intended for that job, in my early years as a historian, I met one roadblock after another. I was clearly not intended to be a historian. Or a business writer. Or even a taxi driver. Nuther story.

Oh, I’m so happy that I can laugh about it all now. What a relief. It reduces my irritability.

Nonetheless, I continue to feel very shy writing in an awareness or “stream of consciousness” vein. I need lots of encouragement to be out here on the skinny branches. Michael did encourage me:

Archangel Michael: I beg of you, do not assume that when you write of what you are calling “the inner work,” that this does not have profound effect because the focus of the leadership movement, right now, is on the inner work. (3)

AAM: There is much to be said for Everyman, and that is part of the role you play. Yes, you are a pillar. You are an anchor. You’re [a monitor] but also playing the role of Everyman – with curiosity, with exploration, with insight. So our desire is not to separate you from the collective. (4)

That so lines up with my preference for awareness writing anyways!

If I can laugh about it, somehow, it’s no longer a problem. Add that to my list of ways of “presencing the Self.” Or is it already in there? (5)

Laughing is therapeutic. It’s releasing from the inside out, in the same way that crying is. It’s releasing blocked muscles. I need to laugh more.

OMG, I am not known for laughing. … It’s been a long time, my friend.

Footnotes

(1) See Factory Reset; or, Dropping Our Character Armor at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/Factory-Reset-or-Dropping-Our-Character-Armor-R8.pdf

For background on the subject of emergence generally, see: