by Digger Barr
gaiasgardens.guru/
I can’t quite put my finger on it.
That’s a better way of saying, I tried to think and nothing happened.
There seems to be something odd about how my mind is working these days.
It’s not that I cannot think. But it is not happening in the same way that I am used to.
I am or least typically have been sharp in my awareness.
Quick with ‘in the moment’ decisions.
Solid with a game plan.
And very assured about the goal.
Now My awareness isn’t that sharp. It is less pinpoint and more expanded. It’s gotten broader as if to allow more things in rather than to direct things.
It’s more like a fishing net that is eager to gather.
There is an acute sense that there are more things to be aware of than I could have imagined before and I am not sure what those ‘things’ may be.
This has slowed my decision making.
I can still focus on the daily tasks but they are less interesting and getting through a day can be a bit arduous.
It would seem my decision maker has upgraded to new software and ‘we’ are needing to adjust.
As I said, I can’t quite put my finger on it. But I am fully aware that what I once thought was important has changed.
What I once thought was true has changed.
The reason I once did things a certain way no longer seems valid.
Trying something new is more appealing.
This lends to waffling a bit and I feel any solid footing or previous game plan slipping away.
Is that a bad thing? Probably not. But I couldn’t say one way or another.
We have heard about the fog of war.
Keeping information and strategy vague for the purpose of stronger positioning.
The less known by all is the less known by the opponent.
Never let them know what is coming. Keep the facts hidden between partial truths creating certain confusion.
The fallout of course is that most are not on the ‘need to know’ list.
This has certainly been a contributor to a lot of confusion in my mind.
Most of what I once thought of as ‘this is how the world is’ has changed.
If something happens as headline news now, I step back and ask, What’s really happening?
I may never know the truth. And this is the fact that I need to accept.
Living this way leads to certain uncertainty.
My solid ground has become unstable ground, moving and shifting different directions without much notice.
How I want to view this shift is that it has provided a chance to be light footed.
Keep it moving, keep it light.
Be fluid as if in a cosmic dance.
I remember the fastest foot race I ever ran was during a summer vacation with my brother.
He is two years older and therefore, ,of course, I have always been very competitive with him.
Forget the fact that I am only 5’6″ and he is 6’2″.
If he could do it, I was right there, trying to do it better.
This particular outing we found ourselves at the top of a trail head in Glacier National Park.
It was an elevated location with a distinct path that meandered through thick forest.
Exposed tree roots and large boulders gave interest to the hike leading up a valley edge towards an alpine lake.
The party we were with wanted to keep going and hike around the lake. But, My brother and I decided to head back to camp.
He thought he would be clever and took off running back down the trail.
It took no thought at all for me to follow suit.
Surprised, but probably not surprised, he delighted in the chase and decided not to hold back as his long legs moved quickly over the open terrain.
But as we entered into the trees again, the sudden twist and turns of the trail gave my shorter stature an edge.
I was on his heels as we literally flew down the hill, banking corners by launching off edges of rocks.
We barely touched the ground as tree roots extended across the path became springboards turning our foot race into a scene from Crouching Tiger and Hidden Dragon .
The lightness and speed as one toe touches without actually landing, propelled me right into my brother’s previous step.
The path was too narrow to actually pass him but, staying on his heels delighted us both.
I have never felt so elated and surprised at how the spontaneity of the moment led to a performance I never thought was possible.
If I could let go of my idea of how my mind should behave and relax into the ascension process maybe where I go will be a performance I never thought possible.
I cannot think, ‘how do I let go in order to let go?’ I just need to let go and let the next steps happen as they will happen.
Oh, the places we could go!
Thoughts fly in and out of my mind.
It’s not a scene from an international airport with precision landings guided by the control tower.
It’s not even the patterned flight of barn flies swirling in a circle during summer heat.
It’s much more like a scattering of minnows when you drop a rock into the pond.
Some thoughts actually bump into rocks, forced to make a U-turn.
It’s chaos in there.
I am using the practice of reviewing my dreams and using that information to guide my waking walking world choices.
I listen to my heart and ask it questions as a muscle testing pendulum.
I accept others input allowing that we are all in process and maybe their guides will provide the inspiration needed.
Maybe I have put my finger on it.
But it still feels as if my compass has lost magnetic north and is swirling around in its case.
I close my eyes and even then I feel the world swirling and moving.
Vertigo symptoms. Time is shifting.
Take heart that we can actually feel the time shift.
Now that’s a new skill set.
It feels freeing, discombobulating and I am optimistically elated.
This is the Fog of Ascension.
I don’t know what is happening. I do but I don’t.
I will do my best in each moment.
And maybe if I don’t think about it at all. If I just go with it… soon (whatever that word means)
Soon, I will be flying down the trail doing things of which I never thought I was capable or even knew were possible.
Digger26