Character armor

I think I should keep a diary at this time because what has happened has opened a door and, if others are going to find it and walk through it, I need to be as detailed about the event and its aftermath as possible.

Emergence –> Afterglow –> Snapback –> Integration.

I’m in the integration phase with the recent experience I had in which I dropped my character armor. Well, not I. The Divine Mother responded to my cry to help me drop my negativity so I could write from a clear space.

Michael responded to my cry to him to have a bigger brain so that I could make sense of world events. Other matters magically lined up and a complete dropping of my character armor followed.

Which was precisely what I asked the Divine Mother for, without completely knowing what I was asking for.

From now on I’m going to call it a Factory Reset because that’s what it was. It was not permanent protection. That comes with Ascension.

It was a lifting off of the whole of my defense mechanisms, strategies and resulting muscular tension patterns in the body, which the former give rise to.

It was everything all the growth disciplines Cold Mountain Institute hosted during our three-month residency were aiming to have occur. Drop your defense mechanisms. Call your Self forth. And … I just did.

It was emergence, viewed from my angle; grace, I think, viewed from the Mother’s.  It was breakthrough and it carried a price in snapback.

***

The snapback, the reaction of the body to the recent “breakthrough,” is a protest and an attempted return to what it considers “normal.”

The new normal is life without the armor. Only to return if I allow it. What was it John Roger said? You cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought?

I thought of it as a factory reset, a new beginning, a new lease on life, a second chance. But the most amazing part was that I emerged feeling … not loving or blissful, but – in a different sense than my body wanted –  normal.

And I then realized that I had not felt normal since my Dad blasted my personality to smithereens at age seven by yelling at me a few inches from my face.

I’d always been on the edge of the emotional envelope, no self-confidence or where there was some, it was mechanical. Always from inside my character armor, unknown to me. I was like a clanking robot and never knew what was wrong.

Fast forward seventy two years, and I’ve now been given a second chance. My existing armor has been taken from me but I’m left free to build another.  The challenge is not to.

I won’t say the vasanas, or core issues, are gone, but their voice is greatly muted. And there is no general response to them, no “All hands on deck!” Which is very unusual for me.

In the afterglow of the Factory Reset experience, I was like a jellyfish. Now I’ve been returned to the center – no harmful thoughts, no agendas – just here. And the feeling is as novel as my first trip to Disneyland. It’s all of it new to me.

But the tremendous drive that arose in me that I was going to take on an ambitious publishing program, starting now, uhhhh, the snapback revealed that as premature.

Instead of core issues, I want now to concentrate on the core values – truth, love, and peace. Practising these values, I speculate, is like greasing the wheel.  I’ll find out because now, when I set out on a second life, I’d like to do it right.

I’d like to live it aware of the Divine Mother’s Plan and aligning with that Plan.

I know that, if I do so, life will just get better and better and better.