OK … Which switch is “On”?
I think I should keep a diary at this time because what has happened has opened a door and, if others are going to find it and walk through it, I need to be as detailed about the event and its aftermath as possible.
The pages of this diary are not in precise chronological order. I’ve been wondering how to get them on the record. Until May 3, this will be my catch-up.
Someone today described what I’m calling my “Factory Reset” or “dropping of my character armor” as “a recovery.”
Yes, that’s exactly what it was: a recovering of my life from a day before my Dad yelled at me from inches away from my face until now.
It’s like zipping up a hoodie, bridging a gap, erasing an obstruction.
And now life resumes as normal, where it hadn’t been normal for 72 years.
I’m learning the ropes all over again.
What remains and what has disappeared? Every feeling and idea I have had about protecting myself, first from what happened to me from my Dad and second serving as a protective cover behind which I could convalesce [recover] and “put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” Every strategy, self-serving story, excuse, denial, and justification dropped away from me, all at once.
I called it a factory reset, new lease on life, second chance, and new beginning.
It’s as if I had a system flush but the underlying ego structures that would rebuild my character armor are still there. My understanding is that they’re not extinguished until Ascension.
Ascension is also known as sahaja samadhi, moksha, mukti, liberation, Vijnana (perfected wisdom), Redemption, Salvation, Resurrection, Buddhahood, how many names has it?
So the overall feeling is not as if something has been added. The overall feeling is as if something has been taken away.
It doesn’t leave me feeling moved by this and moved by that. It leaves me feeling at rest; that is, not moved at all. I return to [my default is] “at rest.”
Now that may sound trivial to you, but walk a mile in my shoes. I may as well have been a tank for the shell-resistant walls I built around myself and the only area of my life I had confidence in was … self-defense.
When these defense mechanisms dropped away, I may as well have been born again for the freedom I felt.
Nothing more. Just exhilaration at feeling so free.
And then a return to feeling at rest, peaceful.
And not the deep peace of a mind perfectly still. (1)
My mind is alert and active: I’m a lightworker, a servant, an actor. Not as much a meditator this lifetime as in others. Serving Gaia’s Ascension through serving our Ascension “this rodeo,” to quote Sanat. (2)
And absolutely nothing to find fault with with this degree of peace!
But I may as well have had a walk-in. Who doesn’t understand how to operate this apparatus.
It’s as if I’m sitting in a fighter plane and have received no training on it and am expected to … get it airborne. Ahhhh, OK … Which switch is “On”?
Footnotes
(1) On this experience of a deeper peace, see “First Glimpse of the Natural Self,” February 21, 2017, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/02/21/first-glimpse-natural-self/.
(2) Sanat Kumara: Oh yes. We are old friends. There are some, what would you call them, newbies upon the planet and they have mostly traveled from various sectors of the universe, but most of us, my friends…we have been at this in and out of various forms for a long time. No, you have this saying upon your planet, “This is not our first rodeo.” (“Sanat Kumara: Universal Law, Operating System for Nova Earth,” July 21, 2017, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/07/21/video-transcript-sanat-kumara-universal-law-operating-system-for-nova-earth/.)