November 21, 2023
by email ~ Dr. Peebles channeled by Natalie Gianelli ~ NatalieGianelli.com
Learning how to be generous without neglecting yourself is a big lesson for people pleasers. Here is what I have found has worked for me:
Number One—Doing the inner child work and doing my pillars as part of my everyday routine. It creates a pattern, habit, commitment, to pour into myself consistently. Since starting this work, my inner child now knows she is safe and she knows that I am going to give myself the gift of the pillars no matter what. (If I miss a pillar or miss a day, my IC knows I will get right back on the horse the next day.) When we keep our promises to ourselves, we build confidence in ourselves. Being consistent with the gift of the pillars makes pouring into myself in other ways easier, I’m more open to it.
I encourage you to do your pillars first thing—before you look at your phone for anything. Many of us are recovering people pleasers, and the inner child will try to put out a fire for someone else. She/He will say, “No, real quick, I’ll respond to this friend, THEN I’ll meditate and dance.” We create a pattern of taking care of other people instead of ourselves, or before ourselves. Then we start to feel resentment. When we prioritize the inner child work and pillars (the Simple Spiritual System) in the morning, we are prioritizing ourselves and it helps to be discerning for the rest of the day in how to be generous, with whom, and how often.
Number Two—When you are about to be generous, ask yourself if you are trying to solve a problem. If so, the twelve-year-old in you is being generous. You have to be clear on that before you give. For example: When I notice I’m taking care of other people, putting out fires, I’ll catch myself, check in with my inner child, and remind her she’s safe.
Many times these fires DO need to be put out, but I can look at them as boxes to check off in a fun way…Bam! Another one checked off. Bam! Another one bites the dust. Bam! Another mole whacked (like in the game). I can only feel safe enough to play the “game” of taking care of the to-do’s if the higher self has made the inner child feel safe. That way, the higher self is the one playing the game of the list, instead of the inner child doing it.
The inner child doesn’t know when to stop giving and she starts to feel resentful. She asks, “Why isn’t your problem solved? I gave you what you needed. When your problem is solved, I feel safe, but it isn’t, so I don’t. When do I get to feel safe?” That’s a never-ending cycle. In my experience, I learn how to create connection to my inner wisdom when I give from my higher self instead of the inner child.
Here is Dr. Peebles’ perspective:
At times you will find you are taking care of others, running yourself ragged, spreading yourself thin, turning away from yourself, neglecting to listen to your heart, paying more attention to the demands of the mind instead of the yearnings of the heart. This is common in humans. Biologically, your world is run from the energy of the heart, but your society is run from the energy of the head. You are balancing two worlds as humans.
The bumble bees only balance one world, they don’t overthink things. No animal does; but there will be times when you are divinely connected to your heart and inner wisdom, and times when you feel scattered. It’s all right. The spiritual work is about how quickly you can come back when you feel disconnected from your inner wisdom, when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, fearful, torn, guilty or shameful. When you are not connected to the inner wisdom higher-self heart energy, you will know it by the way you feel.
First, acknowledge it—“Ah, right, I have slipped into my head. The inner child is fearful. I have begun to listen to the nudge of my brain instead of the leadings of my heart.”
Second, remind the inner child that they are safe, secure and deeply loved. When the child is feeling safe, you can ask the heart, “Heart, what would you like me to do in the next ten seconds?” This is very effective because the mind does not like to work in such shortened time frames. So when you ask about the next ten seconds, the heart will be the one who answers. Listen. When you practice checking in with your heart on a regular basis with the little things, it becomes easier to listen, trust and follow through with the bigger things.
The inner child is the one who will sacrifice for the good of another. The higher self will not do this because it knows there is no need to sacrifice for another’s gain. It understands that everything can truly be a win-win. The mind will want to fix a perceived problem; the heart will want to have an opportunity to feel love and express love. If you are thinking, “If this, then that, and I can fix the problem for them and when their problem is fixed then I won’t feel uncomfortable,” it’s the inner child. The higher self will seek connections. You’ll feel the difference once you practice it more.
You are going to veer away from the heart at times. The mind can be a loud little animal. The spiritual practice is not to eliminate the mind, but to notice it and come back to the heart as much as possible.
The Simple Spiritual System can be found at SimpleSpiritualSystem.com or NatalieGianelli.com.