The Bell of California

May 27, 2023

I don’t know how it’s crept up on me, but my predominant mood is frequently ennui, that dreaded state of paralytic boredom so prevalent among aristocrats in the historical novels I read.

As problems go, boredom is just a bit of fluff. Perhaps if I dove deeper, I might discover that boredom is a kind of pseudo-emotion. It indicates the underlying core emotion of (fill in the blank). Since the base of the pyramid of unpleasant emotions, in my realm, is usually fear, boredom could be pointing to fear.

In discussing this with a friend yesterday, she shared her pervading sense of boredom and opined that it’s part of our evolution.

To me, that means it’s a state of flux, moving from one phase to another in some imponderably lengthy and obscured process. That’s pretty much my view of ascension—a lengthy and mysterious journey, where the travelers along the route are not privy to signposts that spiritual overseers, likely including our higher selves/souls, are apprised of.

If that’s the case, I wonder what my higher self would share about “boredom”?

You aren’t satisfied with previously adequate distractions, which manifests as boredom. 

Good to know, but not very helpful. If this ennui is fear-based, what is it I’m afraid of?

You’re afraid that this twilight zone between “the old systems still control our lives” and “the New Earth is here” is the reality for the foreseeable future. You haven’t exactly lost faith that New Earth and 5D already exist, waiting for humanity to catch up, but a big part of you doesn’t believe that golden future exists. That is the fearful voice that tells you you’re bored.

I still don’t know what to do about this, and please don’t tell me to just go with the flow and accept what is.

Unplug some more. You’re hardly paying attention to news of any sort (which has contributed to the boredom), so you’re moving in the right direction. Look at “boredom“ as an opportunity. You find the Tarot fascinating, right? That’s a spiritual/mental distraction that you, my human self, and me as your higher self can agree upon. Also, every element of your selves absolutely adores being out in nature, hint, hint.

Sounds like the trick is to mesh the desires of my 3D, distraction-seeking self with the wise inclinations of my soul-self, preferably outdoors. 

That sums it up nicely.

*****

My 3D self spent five minutes waiting at a rural roadblock last week, gazing raptly at a hillside covered in golden grass and dusty green scrub oaks, the bell of California ringing in my psychic ears. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I long to travel, starting with my home territory, not the fast-lane anonymity of the interstate, but the old, narrow back roads. Traveling at a pace that doesn’t leave any part of myself behind, but allows me to move fluidly between experiencing, feeling, thinking, and writing that particular moment of time, consonant rather than dissonant, integrated rather than scattered.

It’s an intriguing possibility, and imagining it may be enough to nurse me through this boredom-fear malaise before we get to world-changing events, hopefully very soon. 

A grainy image of a colorful gypsy fortuneteller in her horse-drawn caravan ghosts along the edge of memory, reminding me, you have been this way before.