It’s been my experience that a person can tolerate many things as long as the endpoint is known.
Need to endure something for a day? A week? Even a month? Yes, we can…provided we know it is only a day or a week or a month.
Not indefinitely, also known as “possibly forever.”
*****
It feels like forever, but we’ve been subject to an ant invasion for just under a month. I’ve done my best to communicate with Gaia and with the ants. But the incursions continue.
The second pest control company I contacted was able to give us an appointment in five days.
Such a minor irritation on the scale of bad things. But a major, relentless, ongoing, and interminable disruption in my daily life.
The most untenable part of that equation is “interminable.”
*****
I don’t believe anyone (who actually knows) will say, “The truth is coming out on (date). Get ready to throw away your masks and deep-six all the poison vaccines.”
Much as I want to enjoy the same sense of profound relief I experienced with knowing the endpoint of the ant invasion, it’s not likely to happen with the world situation.
My avenues for upliftment seem limited. Right now all I can manage is a trickle of gratitude that every time I scrub away a new ant trail, it’s closer to the last time I’ll have to do so.
This tiny area of “soon it will be better” (with an actual date) may have to suffice for all the areas I can’t seem to muster equanimity about at this moment.
I erect a barrier between all that, and me. Indifference, surrender, whatever it is, can be my shield.
I can’t command the changes I desire. With luck, perhaps I can command me, with the utmost love and respect for the self that is enduring what seems to be an endpoint of infinity.
