I was just in the middle of turning on the computer when I had the sensation of a wall crumbling.
It wasn’t a dramatic sensation. It was actually subtle. But I’m attuned to that kind of occurrence, thanks to the Pause. So I felt it and interpreted it as a wall giving way.
The condition I’m left in I’d characterize as “flowing.”
The main characteristic of this state is that there’s no holding on to anything. I’ve completely let go.
The wall crumbling, the flow of life can begin again unhindered.
How do I feel? We’re most concerned with how we feel. OK, OK, I’m most concerned with how I feel. In any one circumstance, the clincher is usually how I feel about things.
I feel available to love. I breathe it up from my heart and it arises, I fancy, at my summons.
Oh, this is good. The process of loss of memory completes itself and there is only love remaining.
But then, when I go to act, the problems begin. I bump up against social biases against poor memory. Or panic in the face of someone having no memory. And I react by feeling afraid and protecting myself.
I turn away from company and look inwards. Inside all is well and loving. No wonder some sages turn away from human society.
I just relax into myself – settle into being, as one sage called it.
I let go of everything. It’s a privilege to be in a position where I can. And I repay this privilege by reporting on my explorations in consciousness.
I let go of everything. I cut all remaining cords. Memory, knowledge, desires, goals. I pull the plug.
In the space thus created, I see the answer to a great puzzle. The problem is: If there is no thing in the Father, how can there be a thing called love?
The resolution is seeing that I am emptiness and yet I am inside the Ocean of Love. I am a point of awareness, consciousness, existence, nothing more, a point of emptiness, within a continual flow of love. So both co-exist for me.
The wider application is that the Father is empty of all things material but not empty of love, which is immaterial.
Seeing this, I find myself again in the Ocean of Love. This time I get to work with it to certify that it really is higher dimensional. (1)
I cannot be said to be free of all ties related to matter (mater, Mother). The very constriction that persuades me of my individuality – the knot in the balloon – is born of illusion, Maya, the Mother.
If I were free of all ties related to matter, “I” would cease to exist. The air in the balloon would be free and assimilated into the atmosphere. I’d be gone. At least you’ll know my forwarding address (c/o the One).
There would then be, as far as I was concerned, only the One. The One would be shown, to me at least, to be All in all. If “I” was able to continue thinking, that is, which would not be the case. Once over the reunion event horizon, “I” would cease to exist.
The value of knowing this is knowing where I, and everyone else, is headed. Ultimately. Knowing this I can make “yes” or “no” decisions that keep me aligned with this ultimate direction.
Don’t mourn my passing. The amount and quality of love available as we go higher and higher compensates for any loss of individuality. Individuality is seen only as a mechanism that plays a role in us gaining this consummation in love.
I’m going to rest in this wonderful space, the destination of all roads, the best of experiences.
No, I don’t know whether it’s higher dimensional. There are no road signs here, no locals to ask. No Michelin Guide is available.
But who cares? This space is irresistible and its own validation. It’s everything anyone ever wanted. (2)
Let the theoreticians argue over its attributes and workings. As Sri Ramakrishna said, I did not come to the mango orchard to count mangoes. I came to eat them. (3)
(1) As I work with my breath – as an aside – I get to see how important the breath is. My breath right now is not all that deep. I’ve had a full breath release in Feb. 1987 at a rebirthing workshop so I do know what being able to breathe deeply does to a person. In that space I felt I could do anything. My breath now is a country lane compared to that eight-lane superhighway.
(2) I know I can’t hold on to it but I confess I do have an interest in prolonging it as long as possible.
(3) Pasupati: “Sir, what do you think of Theosophy and Spiritualism? Are these true? What do you think of the solar plane, the lunar plane, the stellar plane?”
Master: “My dear sir, I don’t know about these things. Why bother about them so much? You have come to the orchard to eat mangoes. Enjoy them. What is the use of your calculating how many mango-trees there are, how many millions of branches, how many billions of leaves? … Once a man’s inner spirit is awakened, once he succeeds in knowing God, he doesn’t feel the desire, even, to know all this rubbish.” (Paramahansa Ramakrishna in Nikhilananda, Swami, trans. The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna. New York: Ramakrishna-Vivekananda Center, 1978; c1942, 819.)