Christmas can be a really difficult time of the year for me. I can fall into a deep depression, born of feeling isolated and lonely – even if I’m in a wonderful relationship.
I become what some growth-movement leaders would have called a “reaction machine.” I have what est would’ve termed a “stack attack.” My “records” are playing over and over again, my endless “Top Ten.”
Linda Dillon described my condition in discussing core issues on a recent PAO Webinar:
“When you know you have a core issues is when you have that gut reaction…. Somebody says something to you and you can’t even react without going into tears, or high anxiety, anger, being very reactive.
“People have great difficulty to name the core issues. It’s the feeling of the unknowable, the unthinkable. You really feel like you’re in the abyss. …
“We know they’re not the truth. But the feelings, the depth of that fear and terror, is still inside us.” (1)
I resonate with that description. In my case I was so depressed this morning that I didn’t want to get out of bed. I hate to feel that deep, yawning ache in my heart.
A little history. Christmas wasn’t really our family holiday, apart from having a tree and giving presents. It was fun but I was raised in a “non-denominational” household, which I thank my parents for. It didn’t include or exclude anything unless I wanted it to.
It allowed me to grow up with no attachment to any religion. I was able to explore and a cross-cultural spirituality resulted.
But it also left me with no ties to other people’s denominational holidays.
And so when holidays arrive when people get together, I often feel … not left out exactly, because I’m leaving myself out … but isolated and lonely.
It hasn’t been as bad as it was. But today I awoke in the crippling grip of it.
Kathleen and Sitara assisted me to “crack the nut,” so to speak. After experiencing it for as long as I wanted to or felt I could endure, I followed Kathleen’s advice (2) by invoking Sanat Kumara and the Law of Elimination to take the whole vasana away.
Within half an hour, my experience shifted. I felt relieved of the whole kit and caboodle. Blessed event. Thank you to Sanat and whomever else was involved.
Not like it won’t come again…. But, I expect, when it does, it will be less impactful.
Every event is a learning experience. What did I learn from this event?
(Concluded in Part 2, tomorrow.)
(1) Linda Dillon on PAO Galactic Activation Webinar 10: Questions and Answers December 16, 2018, private Youtube video.
(1) Kathleen Mary Willis, “Eliminating Lack with Gratitude,”