Following the discussion on world peace with Archangel Michael May 17, 2018, I’m having so many insights.
One is that I noticed I don’t feel safe in my world. And looking into it further, following Kathleen’s advice to turn it around, I asked myself: Do I make it safe for others?
And what I noticed was that I can be a controlling person.
And I control with a very irritated voice, ranging from mild to hostile.
I also see that I don’t define any of it as hostile. I see it as my deserving something. In addition to being controlling, I’m right about it.
The second insight came when I saw myself in a particular instance of this sense of entitlement.
I watched myself start getting aggravated in a lineup at the local coffee shop. I hate to wait. Soon I’d be making irritated gestures. And then I might even say something nasty, spoiling everyone’s day for at least ten minutes. (1)
Again, another deep vasana.
And I justified it all. I deserve good service. I matter too. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. On and on I went justifying my intrusive belligerence.
What I’m doing right now is “calling myself on my own number.” I’m not waiting for someone else to call me.
What this controlling racket does is it deprives me of inner peace.
It commits me to a path of self-righteous hostility.
That in turn leads me to feel unsafe (from attack) in the world. And no wonder. I’m not a peaceful person. Why would I expect anything but a hostile response to me? Those who live by the sword die by the sword.
Taking this insight and combining it with what I said the other day – that I know the requirements of my post-Reval work will be huge and that I have to grow up quickly to handle it all – what I get is that it’s absolutely imperative from this moment on to create myself as peaceful in my world as I can be. I need to create my world as safe – at the very least, from me!
To be clearer about it, I need to bind myself by declarations, stands, and promises that I will keep the peace. Unless I myself am peaceful, I can never reassure myself that my world could be safe. A hostile mind is always on the lookout for the hostility of others; witness Stalin, Hitler, and Mussolini. Inner hostility and control have never led to outer peace. Only inner peace can lead to outer peace.
Everyone will have to lay down their arms eventually. Banking on inner peace is a safe bet, it seems to me.
(1) As the runt of the litter, I became adept at calling everything to a halt if I wanted attention. I learned the power of “No!” at age two.