I’m terror-struck by the idea that I’m not good enough.
It’s like kryptonite to me.
My knees unbuckle in the face of it.
Since I’m on the awareness path, let me have a look at that. The first step in ridding ourselves of a vasana is to understand what we’re dealing with, right?
What am I dealing with here? A blame statement pushes itself to the forefront of my consciousness.
Some blame statements flow off our back like water but some get in, get through, and lodge there. Maybe because we’re tired that day or had had enough. Who knows why they do?
This one is paramount in my life and it always has been – the blame statement that I’m a “lazy, no-good good-for-nothing.”
It just got in and colored my life ever since. (As the twig is bent, the tree inclines.)
All of my striving, all of my production is to prove that I’m good enough. And nothing is ever enough. It’s like trying to feed a constantly-ravenous monster.
And when I say that, when I really see what’s driving me, and exercise my will – in this instance – to have the record stop, the fear also stops and goes away.
So this is an example of a vasana where an exercise of will, upon understanding, is enough to address the issue at the core of it and have it disappear.
Wait a minute … Notice how easily it yielded to intense scrutiny. Poof! It was gone. And this was a major, root vasana (or core issue).
I’ve been keeping track of the number of events in consciousness that have similarly gone poof! Shame, worry, fear, I thought there was a fourth – all of them giving way before intense scrutiny.
Hold that thought for a moment and let me return to the core issue.
That’s enough of that. I’m not now, and I never was, a lazy no-good good-for-nothing. I probably have the Guiness Record for output. Enough already!
I do get my Father’s pain. I’m dead certain his Father would have said that to him.
Dad was kicked out of the house in his teens and had to make his way in life, riding the rails in those days and spending nights in jail for shelter, even though his Father was a multimillionaire. My Dad suffered a lot. I don’t think he knew much love in his life.
And that generation never knew about clearing one’s self of one’s “obfuscations,” as the Buddha called them – one’s vasanas or core issues.
Now coming back to the swiftness of the vasana’s departure, I wasn’t required to take the process the next step and visualize or remember the key incident in fixing this blame in my mind. I keep focusing on the day I broke the lawnmower so that may be it. (1)
I wasn’t required to be with the feelings that come up until they pass. The vasana lifted before I needed to do any of these.
That must be significant.
Given that this has happened a number of times lately, I’m now prepared to offer a working hypothesis.
Here’s the statement I’m testing out. Archangel Michael reminded us:
“There are those upon your planet who wish to reclaim, reconstruct, recreate the old third and that is what they are attempting to do. But, sweet angel of love, you know and those who are the loveholders know that this simply will not occur. The old third no longer exists. It is that simple.” (2)
I’m looking to test out what he says with an hypothesis: I hypothesize that dense Third-Dimensional emotional states like worry, shame, and fear, no longer have an objective existence. They live in our minds only now. They’re no longer reflected back to us from the outer world. (3)
I assert that the outer world is now in a higher dimension. Only our consciousnesses are not. As Matthew Ward said:
“Although Earth and all of her residents are in fourth density location-wise, the majority of the populace still is within third density awareness-wise.” (4)
Older operating system. Cannot connect to the Internet. We need a new operating system if we want to enter a higher dimension of experiencing. The basis of it, I assert, is recognizing what actually exists, rather than what we think exists.
(1) I was really proud of myself. I cleaned everywhere on the lawnmower – all the encrusted grass – and even poured out all that dirty black stuff from inside.
When my Dad started it up, it burst into flames. I had poured out all the oil. I guess that was when the “good-for-nothing” part stuck.
(2) “Archangel Michael on Current Chaos and Joy” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/01/27/archangel-michael-current-chaos-joy/.
(3) I’m asserting that the “without” no longer reflects the “within” because Gaia is anchored in a higher dimension than our consciousnesses.
(4) Matthew’s Message, October 19, 2014, at https://www.matthewbooks.com/mattsmessage.htm.