I didn’t even know if there WAS a Law of Abundance. If there wasn’t I asked the Company of Heaven to please make the translation.
I invoked the Divine Mother, Archangel Michael, Jesus, and St. Germaine. I invoked the Law of Abundance.
I requested that I be permitted to claim my patrimony, my inheritance now.
I asked on my divine authority that I be granted the experience of abundance.
I didn’t get an experience of physical abundance; I’m not sure why I thought I might.
I got instead an experience of spiritual abundance. I discovered – for myself – that abundance is a state of being.
It felt as if a halo of fire went down my body from my crown chakra to my root and burned away the dross and, underneath it, I was abundant. The experience of abundance showed up as a release of tension, the return of happiness, a feeling of satisfaction, completeness, wholeness.
Many years ago, in my late-blooming flower-child days, I used ecstacy. The experience of abundance was much like ecstacy. The feeling of a deflated balloon suddenly being inflated; a feeling of wholeness, completeness, satisfaction. That’s the experience of abundance as a state of being.
I’m just enjoying the experience now.
I just realized … This is the Natural Self. This is Me. The same One that I experienced before as peaceful is also spiritually abundant.
A diamond is a lump of coal that made good under pressure. It takes these times to make a diamond.
***
The fact that I have the ability to experience this state of being and I’m not doing so on a regular basis can only be caused by some persistent belief structure. I think it’d be that I don’t deserve abundance. And I could come up with a dozen reasons for that. No, maybe two.
Actually, hundreds. No, thousands. The mind stores away every instance of a supposed “sin” or “misdemeanor.” We convict ourselves over and over again and each conviction becomes a brick in the wall of the belief that we don’t deserve abundance.
I was probably average in my decency during most of my life. Maybe more, maybe less. Once stepping into spirituality, things in many areas improved, not all; they improved greater once involved with the Company of Heaven.
But my memory carries my rap sheet regardless – all the things I’ve convicted myself of doing. I notice there’s no mention of the good things. When I notice that and attempt to remember them, I arrive at a vein of sorrow that blocks my way and runs like a thread through all my “convictions.”
It’s the death of my mother. I gave up after that. And having given up, everything failed for years. I convicted myself at every step of the way for not caring, for having given up. I just didn’t care once she died.
Was that the moment my heart closed down as well? All of this comes to awareness and then departs, leaving me again in the experience of abundance.
***
I realized that our Natural Self is naturally “abundant.” And by the Law of Above and Below, Within and Without, if our Natural Self is naturally abundant, then so can we in the body be spiritually abundant. And by the further action of the law, what has manifested as spiritual abundance above and within should also manifest as physical abundance. All things being equal.
But the experience of the state of abundance is worth, well, at least as much as the physical wherewithal.
A need for the physical wherewithal can’t be escaped. The tension that results from want dulls everything. Stress is an awareness killer.
I’m stressing because I may need to take a job at the end of the month. I can never keep up this awareness journalism if I do. I feel sad at the thought.
Not only will I miss our daily communion – or is it commute? – but I’ll drop in awareness so I won’t even remember how it was. Not as a living memory or a lived-through experience anyways. It’ll all just become “fond memories.” I’ll miss you.
***
The sad thing about a decrease in awareness is that we never know it happened until we reach again the levels we were at and realize we fell asleep. So it will be with me.
It’s taken years for me to reach this level of consciousness and writing, but no matter who I work for, what work I do, or how hard I give myself to it, neither consciousness nor writing will survive the modern work world intact. I once compared going back to it to Archangel Michael as like hitting a brick wall with your car. I would not be able to maintain my consciousness. He agreed. (1)
If we go, I’ll return when physical abundance arrives.
Meanwhile, I have the spiritual experience of abundance to enjoy. Wholeness, completeness, satisfaction.
Footnotes
(1) The demands of the work world are not consistent with the demands of awareness writing. I fear I will lose the level of awareness I’ve achieved no matter what the circumstances of the work are, no matter how enjoyable the work may be in and of itself.